regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-03/8:43 AM
right I am never nasty to anyone but you are one of the highest rated on this site and you start this poem: Do you need a guy you can rely on or just a shoulder to cry on? its like everything I work for is meaningless and good poetry is all about assinine rhymes (irony) and dull cliches I'm not ranking this, I just don't understand
Re: 1 by Crakyamuni	15-Jul-03/11:44 AM
works well as graffiti. Enigmatic in any given context
Re: Federales by Bachus	17-Jul-03/9:49 AM
like it, especially the first verse. I get searched less than I used to after I shaved my adolescent moustache. set off an alarm today though, commandeered by some george michael alike security guard (must have been in it for the uniform) I had to laugh
Re: beyond sences by calilegzzz	17-Jul-03/10:05 AM
pardon, where are you anyway
Re: Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer	17-Jul-03/10:23 AM
sweet images in the first verse well fitted together. not sure about the direction it took in the second verse. But I like poems that introduce themselves before later revealing the plot
Re: rainday by Bill Z Bub	17-Jul-03/10:26 AM
I quite like all the daft words you use. It could almost be a nonsense poem or a surreal poem. Bloombrellas is my favourite
Re: Border towns & the runs by horus8	17-Jul-03/10:28 AM
like hostile as a car bomb and the use of line breaks (prostitutes that pull/) fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
Re: Next Century by Birdpia	17-Jul-03/10:31 AM
who will write a love poem like this in the next century. A few million I would have thought! Some good points through I like the abrupt end to the first verse and second
Re: Train Suicide by snjofridur1	17-Jul-03/10:35 AM
a thought is never heard? how do you access your own thoughts then? Does it become apparent only when you open your mouth? I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
Re: Pretzel by daryash-koh	17-Jul-03/10:38 AM
needs a bit of insight/ something new to say to compliment the imagery. Like the pretzel bit though nice to have a joke that becomes obvious when it is told
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jul-03/3:23 AM
Nice build up, and I did understand it perfectly. The unmasking reminds me of grease 2 but what was the context of the unmasking?
Re: My Angel of Darkness by goddessbyfire	19-Jul-03/3:25 AM
Like this poem, not much to grab onto in the way of context but nice images and no obvious holes in it
Re: Summer Rain by DJCARTER	19-Jul-03/6:02 AM
like the structure in the first three lines leading to the mind rhyme. A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jul-03/6:08 AM
If you are rewriting I suggest you get it clear what this is about some of the verses seem not to hang together. 'Splatter, the sound resounding Painfully, into the ear' I would keep a good rhyme Tearing away at my heart Skin by skin, I am the onion is good too kind of wreckless and emotionally raw. Needs more of a place I think. What are these greens turning brown etc some good parts, notworthy
Re: Death Wish by Kitch	19-Jul-03/6:10 AM
a little bit distant for a suicide poem, also you probably shouldn't rhyme so loudly on such a serious issue
Re: Bloody Night by Ted Bundy	20-Jul-03/11:55 AM
just seems like a list of fucked up things to do maybe needs tightening to give the words their full power.
Re: Let's Not Forget by Artemis745	20-Jul-03/12:02 PM
I think you are trying too hard to rhyme. You need to be more graphic and more specific in terms you use. We know what humans do to other animals but point out hypocrisies, use metaphor etc
Re: Seduce Like Zeus by EAger to Offend	20-Jul-03/12:05 PM
a thought too late and too soon ?
Re: I've lost my poetic edge by thepinkbunnyofdoom	20-Jul-03/12:08 PM
I have no creative thoughts at the moment so I shall write a poem about it! unless this is a creative thought anyway a bit too smart/postmodern/ for me
Re: hermetic by Bill Z Bub	21-Jul-03/6:35 AM
a bit odd, the first verse build up is well but it seems to move too fast to the end. still original use of language sets it apart