Re: Blissful the Fungae Forest by peaceseeker	5-Oct-03/1:05 PM
the rhythm breaks down a bit at 'through the mountain valley blissful the fungae forest meaty mushrooms' overall it flows pretty well though like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
Re: Drunken Night by Ataryu	5-Oct-03/1:10 PM
'Now I die' seems hyperbolic and a lot of the rhymes seem forced 'knee/me, swim dim' Still fast flowing and not too painful
Re: the meeting by richa	6-Oct-03/10:38 AM
trying to get a feeling of physical distance with the last line.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Oct-03/10:48 AM
As the first verse means nothing by itself, I would shuffle it. By the second verse I was getting impatient. There seems to be a single rhyme running through- crave/ face/ faint/ place. Nice little innovation helps with flow. I just wish there was something a little dark to punch me on the last line.
Re: My love for Katie by Stephen Robins	6-Oct-03/10:51 AM
If you are a stranger making lewd comments about a young katie, then you are disgusting. If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
Re: such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602	6-Oct-03/10:59 AM
I think a pimple should be unsubtle, but still express some kind of emotion. Flow is good, kind of like conversation
Re: Orchidess by abecedarian	7-Oct-03/5:35 AM
overall a good complete poem. I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'. Such phrases are already inferred I think. This poem has a certain frisson without.
Re: silent struggle by princesszoe	7-Oct-03/6:03 AM
all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings. and tears drip from the depth? upwards?. But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
Re: Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote	7-Oct-03/6:09 AM
OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Oct-03/6:13 AM
a little experiment in metre (actually using it)
Re: Who are the best poets on poemranker? (A list by me) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	7-Oct-03/9:04 AM
mr pig?
Re: Primal Reality by peaceseeker	7-Oct-03/12:25 PM
the individual verse don't seem to hang together very well. like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Oct-03/12:31 PM
I know that broken heart is figurative, but jagged lungs and shattered ribs?
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/7:09 AM
Interesting idea, you ask the reader to think whether the alarm scaring you and playing russian roulette with your mind is inconsistent. Viewing death dispassionately without sentimentality I guess, yes good. But why are you scared of the alarm, what could the unknown do to someone who is unafraid of dying. or just a play on the figurative 'scare me to death'
Re: Spread Deep in Fresh Meat by abecedarian	14-Oct-03/7:14 AM
first verse could do with being a bit sharper. Other than that yes, seems to say something, what will be will be
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/7:25 AM
readable but.... the first verse questions can not be answered so simply, especially when you have to rhyme dead with bed.
Re: sit place by kingit	14-Oct-03/7:27 AM
some nice lines, if thats what they are. the layout doesn't seem to add to the poem, I think it detracts
Re: Dancing on Glass by thepinkbunnyofdoom	14-Oct-03/7:32 AM
some good lines, but the images seem to come out of nowhere, difficult to get a handle on
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/7:41 AM
The obvious antecedent is Lady Lazarus. There is the stencil of that here, a lot less oblique though and the two characters are handled well. The lively voice makes this poem accessible, but the title seems a bit prosaic, too wide in scope
Re: Why? by MercedezDream	14-Oct-03/7:44 AM
Out of all the rhymes to steal you take bitch and itch from some pink song?