Re: Nudesflash by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	16-Oct-03/7:19 AM
strippers are old nudes, and that does not bare thinking about
Re: paint brush by ~ska~	16-Oct-03/7:23 AM
like the paint brush theme too, not sure about the decorating cliche stripping off. Oh yes and rhyming for the sake of it will not impress anyone, and is most likely to take your poem in a direction you do not mean and waste your time.
Re: Kites, Gunpowder, and a Chair by Geschäftsreise	16-Oct-03/7:28 AM
Yep like it, especially the way the last line makes everything clear. A little bit patronising and racist though.
Re: Pet Hatreds by Bobjim	16-Oct-03/7:37 AM
He'll be back for the nails! I like this, clever but why did his pet hatreds leave when he bought the nails.
Re: When I say I'm a 14 yr old girl I mean 75 year old man by Shardik	20-Oct-03/9:14 AM
especially like that someone pretending to be a 14 yr old girl and suggesting someone to 'pull on my whiskers' Reminds me of little red riding hood.
Re: falling in with the wrong crowd. by richa	23-Oct-03/6:40 AM
About people having a basic humanity to themselves behind the diktats of the environment (a metaphor) Wanted to put a bit about a senile old woman (always looking into the light to carry on the metaphor). And how she would look after cats or the like though she had no memory of why.
Re: Autumn At All Saints Church by Caducus	23-Oct-03/6:52 AM
Like the line 'sun hangs like salem heretics' Especially with the church theme, not so much an image I guess as a comment. 'Am I trespassing on God' is a nice comment to explore(perhaps a bit more). The images though good are rather arbitrary. Word choice I think should make the reader ask why you included certain details and not others, and should strike deep at the meaning of the poem. Definitely a poem with merit though.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/6:57 AM
my contribution was 'a' by the way horus not sure who came up with dustman.
Re: Behind My Blue Eyes (rough draft) by Mona Lisa	23-Oct-03/7:03 AM
Using the word soul is too abstract, you can not expect the reader to understand your conception of it. Beautiful on the surface/but if you swim in me.... the following should be why you are not beautiful, not about caressing islands. I think carress islands should come before 'but if you swim in me' It is a rough draft, but I would not comment if I thought it was meritless, I think you have some nice images and although the idea is a bit worn I'm sure you can polish it up a bit.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/7:07 AM
Its good but I think a little over-elaborate. If the reader can appreciate punchy language and still the plot this would be a very good poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/7:10 AM
whimsical with the faeries yes, but quite cute 'A mass grave of ended calm expression' is my favourite line
Re: My Time by J.B. Manning	23-Oct-03/7:11 AM
cancers are not like a tumour they are a tumour if they are in the brain.
Re: 3am by Nicholas Jones	23-Oct-03/7:47 AM
Not much to add to that, very good observation
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/8:01 AM
'And everything grows clear yet wavering. like when we were long ago for the first time. Swimming.' Is an ace metaphor. Like this, it does seem kind of european, the music, roots/truth, glad you used fever as a portal rather than diving right in with lots of abstracts.
Re: Backyard by <~>	24-Oct-03/12:52 AM
Quite difficult to follow, I thought mid sentence line breaks only worked when it sets up an expectation, this does not really do that. It is quite soothing but I think the line breaks interrupt the feeling.
Re: Three Fall by <~>	24-Oct-03/12:55 AM
'And I wonder if the thunder I hear now is memory or premonition.' Is beautifully put as is the opener
Re: every moment will soon be memory by calliope	24-Oct-03/11:41 AM
Nice idea, you can hear the pensive voice in the last three words
Re: Shadows by tori	25-Oct-03/9:19 AM
cute circularity, fascinating like the telletubies
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Oct-03/12:27 PM
shorter and fiddled a bit more.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Oct-03/6:59 AM
A bit confused whether this is about shearing and neutering, or just killing the cow and selling it on. Anyway I think I get the point. Comparing it to graduation(human) is quite cute and thought provoking. Perhaps the end is a bit drawn out though. Once you work out it is about cattle - that should be the end.