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Autumn At All Saints Church (Free verse) by Caducus
I harvest the view of the corn gold sun Which hangs like ‘Salem’ heretics. The caw of Ravens devours silence, As willows weep over russet leaves Which bury the graves in spines of Technicolor. The dog collared pavement starer walks towards me, His legs twisted like stained glass lead Waving his willow cane at magpies, Whilst walking on the dead. He moves his only tooth around his tongue And with furrowed brow Asks me what my business is ‘Autumn I say, just watching the world pass by’ ‘THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY SO GET OUT’ was his curt reply. I enquired ‘Am I trespassing on God’ To which he beat me with his stick, Lashing at me like strangling vines I ran away and never returned, And the old man died during a sermon, But Autumn never left me.

Down the ladder: Somewhere In Islam

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.181818
Weighted score: 6.090909
Overall Rank: 1157
Posted: October 23, 2003 5:57 AM PDT; Last modified: October 23, 2003 5:57 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 23-Oct-03/6:32 AM | Reply
Cram-o-rama. Pain, Beauty, religion,halloweenish creepiness, love. Damn good details too.
[3] King Abdullah I @ 195.157.153.253 | 23-Oct-03/6:34 AM | Reply
WOW!!!!!11
MEDIOCRITY CODE
00801400

http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/code.jsp?action=decode&thecode=00801400

INSUFFICIENTLY MEDIOCRE

-3-
[8] richa @ 81.178.233.127 | 23-Oct-03/6:52 AM | Reply
Like the line 'sun hangs like salem heretics'

Especially with the church theme, not so much an image I guess as a comment.

'Am I trespassing on God' is a nice comment to explore(perhaps a bit more).

The images though good are rather arbitrary.

Word choice I think should make the reader ask why you included certain details and not others, and should strike deep at the meaning of the poem.

Definitely a poem with merit though.
[n/a] fair12 @ 66.84.225.2 | 23-Oct-03/10:07 AM | Reply
The beginning was excellent - great images and word play - but the last stanza just lost the feeling as a whole..
[n/a] A. Nomaly @ 204.32.168.36 | 23-Oct-03/4:57 PM | Reply
those grumpy god lovers need to lighten up
368 view(s)




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