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Dancing on Glass (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom Red droplets soaked into the floor
Of a factory swept clean
Angry words of a lost tongue
Written to be read by a dancer's eyes
Circles and more if you can connect the dots
Memories hidden in a scarlet hue
The best secrets are hidden in plain view
Up the ladder:
Half a dozen
Down the ladder:
killer boredom butterfly (psychedelic)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.976744
Posted: October 13, 2003 10:47 AM PDT; Last modified: October 13, 2003 10:47 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.9767113 Overall Rank: 113 Comments:
[n/a]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 66.213.67.10
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13-Oct-03/10:48 AM
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Reply
Still not back but I had a strong urge to write something to be thought about.
Tight.
scintillating.!
The ending is fairly awesome.
I don't like that [the droplets] soaked into the floor; either I think of a cement floor in a factory, or via the title, a glass floor.
bunny wabbit, ltns. ace poem btw. 9.
some good lines, but the images seem to come out of nowhere, difficult to get a handle on
The images don't seem to be connected very well, but I liked the ending.
eh...
your imagery is pretty but vague and empty. specify.
excise the banal phraseology: "connect the dots," "secrets... hidden in plain view." overall, though, with potential.
What can I say to that other than pratice makes perfect.
<3 Jason
If poemranker is anything to go by, it doesn't.
Depends on whom is getting ready, and what they are preparing for.
<3 Jason
A bit of punctuation would have done no harm. But it's OK I suppose. Noy exactly profound that last line, is it?
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