regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/11:37 AM
Poems about poetry writing I find a bit naff. The stand out here is 'so many long, artistically vacuous lines of prose' because that is exactly what it is. Good show.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/11:51 AM
like it, especially verse two, the quick rhythm then image 'sour grapes'.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/11:56 AM
I guess this is a play on - infinity is a monkey typing the entire works of shakespeare an infinite number of times. Nicely written. Playing with its absurdity.
Re: For Brianna by MaliqaTara	1-Dec-03/12:00 PM
It is oddly strange. The realisation (only about half way through for me) that the other person looking after your baby was god (whichever). Gave this a kind of playful theme out of context. Good though
Re: Leap! by Jill Stockinger	1-Dec-03/2:11 PM
Reads well, each line a small packaged thought. I must continue leaping is a fairly weak end though. Not sure if I would call it concrete either
Re: Moving by kingit	2-Dec-03/6:06 AM
Not bad this, the best I have seen of yours. To fit all of your poems into this one eccentric style is a mistake, form should not be arbitrary. For once the form works here I think, the slowness, and also the short length so it doesn't hurt the eyes too much.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/6:25 AM
The journey is to their death. Six men set off on a journey, and there were two you did not mention? Anyway one for you: An ancient inheritance law says the fortune of a rich man can only go to one person. When Mr McRich died he had two sons. The executor of the will set a task for the two brothers to see who would get the money. The task, to see whose camel made it into town last. The brothers set of from the outskirts slowly, one raced ahead, pulled backwards. Soon they realised they would never get into town, so they asked a wise man what to do. What was his answer.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/1:18 PM
'for her son, for the nude young male who lounges against a rock displaying his dildo ... whose works are but extensions of power to charm? From this weathered outcrop' Auden knew about the rise of the limestone too. This is quite cute, very readable, the end is plain daft though. Like the funny names too
Re: They who would have me forget by BleedingRose	2-Dec-03/1:22 PM
good rhythm I think. Acid does not ache you though, it burns. In fact acid rain is too weak to do much at all, dissolve gravestones slowly perhaps.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:09 PM
very good, little else to say.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Dec-03/12:20 PM
hmmm, consciousness I think does not mediate anything. The information processing, the neurons within the brain attend to stimuli. If attention is sufficient that stimulus is brought into consciousness. And did you know that bar decay of the brain we never forget anything. It just can become too distantly connected to be retrieved. Other than that, a clever idea, memory vs memories. Like the half rhyme consciousness and synapse too
Re: my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined	3-Dec-03/12:24 PM
'Hmmm I need some inspiration/ want to write a poem/ feeling a bit hungry/ heh hungry for revenge/heh heh heh.'
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-03/9:22 AM
Like the line spacing, and it certainly reads well. Quite cold/ clinical even. Always beware of pop psych cliches though for they are the worst kind.
Re: The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker	4-Dec-03/9:27 AM
ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.
Re: xxxmas by kingit	4-Dec-03/9:28 AM
cute word play, the last five lines of the first verse seem to lose the way though.
Re: Thankless by shadowaura	6-Dec-03/10:07 AM
too many poems about seeing yourself in the mirror, no fresh insights here. This one is fairly lucid though, like the little rhymes.
Re: ~haiku~ by Entelechist	8-Dec-03/3:52 PM
Liquid sadness is a little crude a description. A teardrop drowns the world? why rain (the sky weeps) does not drown the word. I know what you are trying to say but it just doesn't seem to track.
Re: One Moment in Time by katie_jean	8-Dec-03/3:57 PM
Scarcely an image in the entire poem. I want to believe you I do. But its so distant, just words.
Re: To Dark Angel by zagerXizer	10-Dec-03/11:19 AM
I love the way you say this poeme took five minutes to write before you even reached the end. As an end line I suggest this poem should be: 'it only took me 6 minutes to write, 6.02 now, damn 6.10.... ..... ..... .....
Re: Dolphins Of Dorset by Caducus	11-Dec-03/3:04 PM
like the idea dolphins of dorset (there are no dolphins in dorset) it sounds kind of folklore, gives a nice gentle feel. Like the snappy wisdom (almost beatish) of searching for god, and memory is a friend. One quibble, the final verse 'my thorns'. Seems detached from the earlier metaphor. Needs to follow through the image of cutting yourself on the thorns.