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For Brianna (Free verse) by MaliqaTara
Baby girl Sometimes it feels like forever Since I've seen your smiling face and some days it hurts so bad That it could've been yesterday that you left us all... Angel, I remember red-gold hair in an untidy ponytail rippling down your back. I'd scramble to fix it You were always so disheveled but so cute nonetheless I remember Baby doll, Weekend mornings wakening to find you Scuttling into my covers too tired to care I held you 'til you demanded Not asked; always commanded You little brat, That I get up and help you pick out your clothes I remember little child, Of brushing those silk rouge curls thinking all the while That you were my child my little bee The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil; Yea, it is even he that shall keep thy soul. Psalm 121 And I hope that you're with Him I hope that he loves you as much As I should've As much as I could've As much as I would've baby girl, if I had only known... You were sick so much but never did you give up Never did you cease to fight They drugged you so bad Little girl, sometimes I didn't even know if it was you! Honey, I'm writing this and crying sobbing for your memory which everyone should have Everyone should know. Just a baby Only six And some cruel fate could take you from us? But don't you worry You live on. I pray Everyday that I see your pictures On my wall On my shelves In the box that I keep of your things... You just turned eight Did you have a good birthday? Did you get those wings that you worked so hard for? White with sparkles, I know that's what you'd want. And all that plays in my mind is Jenna hitting the floor and my daddy Uncle Danny Danny McCoffee running to her Then me And mom holding you... your poor little Broken body wrapped in a blanket blue white pink yellow Somehow that matters You were just my baby such a little girl. And when someone says Angel You're the first person I see standing there defiant little grin... And I know that you're happy, you chose your own fate and would never have left If you knew that you weren't going to be better off with Him to hold you And Im trying bebe, you know that I am But sometimes the memory Of all that you were and all that you could have been Make me long for the days Of Barney and Rugrats and glitter and nailpolish and rocking you to sleep in my arms.

Up the ladder: Exiting Shadows
Down the ladder: Killbirds

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 6.0
Overall Rank: 1243
Posted: January 30, 2003 5:25 PM PST; Last modified: November 30, 2003 6:24 PM PST
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[9] Shardik @ | 30-Jan-03/5:48 PM | Reply
Fix the question mark situation, and don't start your sentences off with but, and or of. Unless you are damn good.
[7] brokenwing @ | 30-Jan-03/7:55 PM | Reply
Quite emmotional, I appreciate all that you conveyed in it..
[10] deleted user @ | 31-Jan-03/9:40 AM | Reply
i like it, and you say i confuse you :) 10
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 31-Jan-03/12:00 PM | Reply
The sincerity of the emotion comes through really well. As a poem, it has some technical flaws, but not to any huge degree. I'm not even going to say anything blasphemous because of the religious content. Needs a little polishing, but has some shine already.
[10] d35 @ | 30-Nov-03/6:26 PM | Reply
It's hard to lose a love one
[9] Shardik @ | 30-Nov-03/6:33 PM | Reply
Touching, yet oddly funny and strange. Almost fictionish.
[8] richa @ | 1-Dec-03/12:00 PM | Reply
It is oddly strange. The realisation (only about half way through for me) that the other person looking after your baby was god (whichever). Gave this a kind of playful theme out of context.

Good though
[n/a] Everyone @ > richa | 1-Dec-03/1:25 PM | Reply
I thought it was more strangely odd than oddly strange. I was particularly intrigued by the line "Did you get those wings that you worked so hard for?". It made me think: what is the point in angel wings? Do they use them to fly? Does that mean that in the spiritual realm, the normal laws of aerodynamics apply? If I chopped off an angel's wings, would he be unable to fly? And why do they use flight as their primary means of transportation as opposed to any other means (such as walking quickly, or teleportation)? God doesn't have wings. Does that mean He can't fly? Could God fly down to Earth and swoop around a bit then fly back up to heaven again? Good Christ I hope so.

In fact, I think that "Can God fly?" is one of the most important theological questions of the 21st Century. Thanks.
[10] dragonfly @ | 2-Dec-03/4:11 PM | Reply
I'm sorry for your loss. This was a really touching poem.
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