Re: Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones	23-May-07/2:27 AM
Turn this into a concrete silhouette poeme and it will be brilliant. Everyone's a closet neo-Kantian even if they won't admit it.
Re: My Soul Cries Out by amanda_dcosta	23-May-07/2:31 AM
I think that gospel blues is definitely your forte. The potential here, in my unhumble opinion, is to go "my heart dwells *in* every word..." and build a house-of-God analogy from there. Nice to see you're still writing :-)
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	23-May-07/2:38 AM
Nice. You could do with looking a bit more at your articles - sometimes you use them when I don't think they're needed, and others you leave them out when they'd be better included. "Forty shades of southern green" is a good line.
Re: 1945 by nypoet22	23-May-07/2:41 AM
I can't shake the Hiroshima feeling from this, "cold" being the odd word out, of course. "Satchel" is an interesting word to use there, it's either incredibly effective or detracting; I'm not certain which. I'll come back to this later.
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	23-May-07/2:43 AM
You seem to be aiming more for word-music - put some subtle rhymes in to make it move smoothly.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-May-07/2:47 AM
I'm not sure that you need so many of the main verbs - "I see" and "I feel" could go without detracting (if the sights and sensations in the poem are effective, you won't need to tell us that you're seeing or feeling them). Perhaps some of the more prosaic bits could make way for extra sensory detail ("But with deeper observation", "With clarity" etc.) After all, what I think you're doing here is in a way creating your own memory - make the poem as rich as that creation.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-May-07/2:49 AM
This is brilliant. Perhaps it's more a senryu than haiku? You're getting good at these, oh-so-cynical one.
Re: Mouth full of Posion by VioletSuccubus	23-May-07/2:53 AM
The passion's there, it just needs crafting now. Work the musicality, the cadence and add a couple of killer images. If it's the Gothic you're after, aim for a Poe-style effect. Who do you read?
Re: Bookshop girls by Stephen Robins	23-May-07/2:54 AM
Have you been in a charity shop recently?
Re: The wreck of a Memphis-Atlanta Greyhound by zodiac	24-May-07/2:05 PM
Good grief, how have I missed this until now?
regarding some deleted poem...	26-May-07/11:15 AM
Hahahahaha
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-07/3:04 AM
lol, I tried to force myself to last the entire 3 hours of Inland Empire but failed magnificently.
Re: Alive at 95 by nypoet22	4-Jun-07/3:05 AM
Stanza 2 wants to follow s1's rhyme scheme, otherwise it looks like you had a good idea to start with but couldn't follow it through.
Re: Love - In the Noughties by Skamper	4-Jun-07/3:07 AM
'bleeding heart' and 'tongue whipped' could be changed. Good last two lines.
Re: Barking Bargain by Dovina	4-Jun-07/4:25 AM
Nice idea, it seems a bit bulky - prosaic in areas. I rather like the final stanza though, it makes perfect sense to me.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-07/4:28 AM
If you died on a cross I would only know about it if you had a most excellent report on the BBC's website.
Re: [Gasp]{last letter, first letter} by sca	4-Jun-07/4:31 AM
Ah, some most superb multisyllabic rhymes. You must like Byron.
Re: Never Still by Skamper	4-Jun-07/4:34 AM
Don't get too worked up about rhyming perfectly. 'figure' is a more subtle rhyme for 'river' in this context: if it seems like you're putting words like quiver in for the sake of trying to rhyme it gets distracting.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-07/4:37 AM
Decent use of ambiguous language.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	4-Jun-07/4:46 AM
Nice musicality to this. One alteration I'd make - shiny into shining; it has a little more of an up-and-down cadence to it, rather like the waves.