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Alive at 95 (Other) by nypoet22
if i’m still alive at age ninety-five i hope to have loved before i arrive and held her with all that a man can give my labor, my breath each beat in my chest pulse through my fingers to comfort her aches and share her success with daughters or sons seeing each one grown with loves of their own at age ninety-five inhale all i’ve done pour it like sweet wine

Up the ladder: Eternity
Down the ladder: Thought

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7920
Posted: May 31, 2007 7:38 AM PDT; Last modified: May 31, 2007 7:38 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Skamper @ 202.6.128.86 | 31-May-07/9:34 AM | Reply
first two stanzas set me up with a rhythm, and the last three tripped me up a little...
[8] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 | 4-Jun-07/3:05 AM | Reply
Stanza 2 wants to follow s1's rhyme scheme, otherwise it looks like you had a good idea to start with but couldn't follow it through.
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