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Alive at 95 (Other) by nypoet22 if iâm still alive
at age ninety-five
i hope to have loved
before i arrive
and held her with all
that a man can give
my labor, my breath
each beat in my chest
pulse through my fingers
to comfort her aches
and share her success
with daughters or sons
seeing each one grown
with loves of their own
at age ninety-five
inhale all iâve done
pour it like sweet wine
Up the ladder:
Sugared petrol isn't sweet if your ass is black & blue.
Down the ladder:
Cold
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: May 31, 2007 7:38 AM PDT; Last modified: May 31, 2007 7:38 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7943 Comments:
[7]
Skamper @ 202.6.128.86
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31-May-07/9:34 AM
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Reply
first two stanzas set me up with a rhythm, and the last three tripped me up a little...
Stanza 2 wants to follow s1's rhyme scheme, otherwise it looks like you had a good idea to start with but couldn't follow it through.
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