| Re: One More Mile by marvelis |
26-Mar-03/9:00 AM |
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Being a rhyme obsessive myself I have recently calmed the whole rhyme thing down and gone for imagery. I think ZZinnia has made the one point you should listen too. I think your quite talented but this dont really do anything for me and I blame the 1st line, the rest of its okay but okay isn't what you do normally, is it? (6)
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| Re: One More Mile by marvelis |
26-Mar-03/9:03 AM |
Oh yeah, the vegas thang is all wrong go to Camp David and sell dictionarys to the democrats, do something about George 'Dubya'.
I'll pay you.
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| Re: Depression by stacylynn_3 |
26-Mar-03/9:07 AM |
Liked what you done with this, it sounds raw and from the heart, that i am sure of. The light my friend is your eyes, open them and you will be found.
Think about it.
heres a fat number to hug 8
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| Re: By the way... by sk8boardandpoems |
26-Mar-03/9:14 AM |
waaaayyyyy to long.
try starting to write easy, short stuff
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| Re: By the way... by sk8boardandpoems |
26-Mar-03/9:15 AM |
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also this is subject matter suicide, delete it, its painful.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Mar-03/9:17 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Mar-03/1:34 PM |
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By the way everaiden, nice job on the poem.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Mar-03/9:31 AM |
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| Re: Gone by Katie2 |
27-Mar-03/9:33 AM |
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It just don't work as a poem, as a lyric with a chorus maybe.
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| Re: you will feel by nentwined |
28-Mar-03/8:42 AM |
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Scenes of full metal jacket emerged
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| Re: Offence by Stephen Robins |
1-Apr-03/5:40 AM |
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| Re: A Sepcial Someone by JustLin |
1-Apr-03/5:43 AM |
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| Re: fever by <~> |
1-Apr-03/5:44 AM |
fever in the morning,
fever running through my veins...you give me fever.
bom bom bom, you give me fever,
fever all through the night.
Sorry Z, Elvis fit over, top haiku.
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| Re: Children by JustLin |
1-Apr-03/5:45 AM |
Children are lovely.
with a nice chianti and some fava beans.
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| Re: A comment for Me (Aj) from a hottie by ChunkyHunkyMonkey |
1-Apr-03/5:47 AM |
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| Re: A comment for Me (Aj) from a hottie by ChunkyHunkyMonkey |
1-Apr-03/5:48 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Apr-03/5:50 AM |
stanza 1 = brill, damn fine
stanza 2 = lost as a brain cell in Bush's head.
still worth a 7, fank u.
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| Re: ForMyFriend, Joneel by Luv2write |
1-Apr-03/5:50 AM |
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| Re: Guess Who? by Nagi |
1-Apr-03/6:02 AM |
Is this about bushmeister?
it could be. 8 if it is
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| Re: Temptation In Genesis by scitz |
1-Apr-03/10:18 AM |
Found this hard PAKI. I have done the 5-7-5 thing and I wouldn't exactly say I was looking to say something profound I was just experimenting. The last line referes to the Old Testament which I find interesting because thats when God and Lucifer were both in heaven before our old pal Satan got kicked out for being rather handsome (amongst other things). Lines one and two were just set pieces for the ending, and irony and a possibility.
Thanks for the civil tongue, How would you do it please reply?
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