Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	14-Dec-04/5:17 AM
A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.
Re: exercise by JoyLuck	15-Dec-04/12:33 AM
A poem that passes judgement on itself is a novelty, if not a very good one.
Re: Tiredness by kawakurdi	15-Dec-04/12:35 AM
Interesting, 'snaps' seems wrong somehow. Do try and cheer up.
Re: Afterwards, when there's just you and the snow and the trees by somemorepoetry	15-Dec-04/10:45 PM
I actually found this quite interesting and poetic although I have to wonder just exactly where it is supposed to be. I will read it again.
Re: Forsaken Love by Blue Magpie	15-Dec-04/10:53 PM
I didn't actually mean to delete the comment about communication from Richa, but to reply to it. Yes the poet does have a responsibility to communicate, but that does not mean dumbing everything down to the lowest level, sometimes you have to accept that some readers will not be able to see yet because seeing in this case is dependant on what is already in the reader's mind.
Re: Poems for devolution by richa	15-Dec-04/11:00 PM
I was once told it was all to do with Dairy farmers, who work 365, although I never really made sense of the reasoning and I agree with Dovina, we would be better off leaving it as it is. Of course to confuse things they also do it in Greece, where there are no real northen climes, or at least not ones that aren't south of the southern climes of the UK and no English style dairy farms.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Dec-04/11:02 PM
Of course the poet has a responsibility to communicate, something that is adequately exemplified in this piece.
Re: A friend told me by RION12	15-Dec-04/11:04 PM
I think it needs a little more work before it can be called truly poetic.
Re: Afterwards, when there's just you and the snow and the trees by somemorepoetry	16-Dec-04/12:19 AM
Well I have read it a few more times and I still like it. So here a e few comments. There is an 'r' missing of their in "Thie energy for the Spring " this stanza is the one I get least from incidentally. Possibly a hypen between cold and hard in "the cold, hard ground". Maybe a comma after dropped, in "where you dropped boots and all," then just after that commas after home, and soil.
Re: Perfect place by gothiclovepoetiss	11-Jun-05/11:55 PM
Basically this is one big cliche, some regular rhythm would have helped a little. I think in the first line you meant to say, 'is' such a lovely place.
Re: Around 4am at this time of the year by Nicholas Jones	11-Jun-05/11:58 PM
I must admit that I too did not understand what there was to fear here and that the rest elicited very little from me that is worth expressing.
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	12-Jun-05/10:52 PM
A good subject for a poem, but as has been pointed out it is rather spoiled by poor construction and dodgy data. Furthermore I would suggest replacing 'thier' with 'their' in the fourth last line.
Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	12-Jun-05/10:57 PM
Quite nice images, but as has been said the first line isnt great and the last two words could be dropped, also wht change tense in the last stanza, it would work as well if not better if you stuck to the present I believe.
Re: Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	12-Jun-05/11:09 PM
The first stanza, as a single sentence is grammatically incorrect (incomplete), and because of the 'where were the colour ordinary' bit, doesn't actually make any sense if try to actually understand what it means. From there it is pretty good, but the last three lines are also a bit ugly, they read like some non-native speakers use the language when they have learned all the words but not actually how they are normally used.
Re: I want you by nicole081083	12-Jun-05/11:11 PM
While you may be feeling this very strongly, there is little in it that a reader can enjoy, as far as poetry is concerned.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jun-05/11:13 PM
don't you mean 'she moves with him' rather than 'he moves with him' after all you had both he and she earlier in the poem.
Re: Unclean by Dovina	14-Jun-05/11:42 PM
I think you have made a good attempt here, to describe something that is worthy of poetry. However it needs a little work. Have you actually read the Koran, Mohammod teaches great respect for women, the attitude of Islamic men depicted here, derives from the pre-mohammadan culture (I Recommend "The Arab Mind" by Raphael Patai), so some mention of the need for forgiveness and understanding that mohammad taught might have been better than than line 2 as it is. Disease might be better than virus, because it is more encompassing. fear.(,) Not(neither) humiliation or disgrace, pain, or (the)memory of his face; There is nothing poetic in the modern trend to simple leave words out, I mean words that grammatically should be there, such as the definite and indefinite articles , in fact it makes a sentence look ugly. injury as a robbers act, the injury as a robber's act, to cast her out for Allah’s good. to be cast her out for Allah’s blessing. Any Muslem would tell you no man can do something for the good of God, God is already as good as it is possible to be. They do things in God's name, or in order to satisfy God's commands
Re: Between the Edges by woodstock20000	15-Jun-05/11:40 PM
Quite nice imagery/thoughts but as a poem it lacks, at least for me, that special something that elevates the language beyong prose.
Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	19-Jun-05/1:10 AM
An interesting variation on the two main rhyme schemes. You seem to get a bit lost in the words in the middle, and in line 8 the words "She directs" are not iambic. However the biggest problem, technically is in the last line where 'hangs on' is a serious miss step, giving you a 'dum dum' where you need a 'dum da'.
Re: Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	19-Jun-05/1:13 AM
Nonsense poetry, traditionally has rhyme and rhythm to compensate for the lack of meaning.