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Forsaken Love (Other) by Blue Magpie
How is it I have lost her touch and know not who I am, and clasp in vain my inner crutch, ‘Behold I am a Man”? Such empty words are too unkind; I know not what they mean. Nor can I find, within my mind the place where light had been. I struggle daily with my name, that once seemed good to me; now in the darkness of my brain what light is there to see? Yet darkness has its rhymes as well and some of these I keep, and some I use that they may tell the visions of my sleep. I had a dream wherein I saw light streaming through an open door, and on its frame, in words of fire, someone had writ my heart’s desire. Forthwith I walked out of a dream; out of my life’s despair. Forthwith I walked into a dream, not knowing why or where. For as I passed that floodlit door I found it was a whore, deceiving all who came, before the darkness fell once more. From dream to dream I passed beyond all memories of light with just the long-dead bones of love to tell me what was right. Each dream in turn leaves me bereft, hoping the next will be, more solid than the one I left, a sure reality. I have not yearned to still my greed. I have not sought the wise. I have not learned that thoughts I heed my life will realise. I know not what my spirit mourns, I hear no serpent’s call, I see no angels in the dawns; I think I've learned it all. How can it be that I’ve forgot the mind that made my heart? How can it be I know her not and think that we’re apart?

Down the ladder: My Prayer

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.095362
Overall Rank: 6106
Posted: December 14, 2004 2:19 AM PST; Last modified: December 14, 2004 2:19 AM PST
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Comments:
[5] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 14-Dec-04/4:20 PM | Reply
The first three lines introduce a worthy theme, something I wanted to see evolve. But the rest is only music, I'm afraid, good rhythm and rhyme. I enjoy music, but far more when it carries something.
[n/a] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.7 > Dovina | 15-Dec-04/12:29 AM | Reply
Thanks for your comments, I am sorry you are unable to see what the poem is about, but please don't assume that because you haven't seen something yet that it doesn't exist, this is a route that prohibits learning
[5] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.218.59.251 | 15-Dec-04/7:40 AM | Reply
It rhymes, huh?
[n/a] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.61 | 15-Dec-04/10:53 PM | Reply
I didn't actually mean to delete the comment about communication from Richa, but to reply to it.

Yes the poet does have a responsibility to communicate, but that does not mean dumbing everything down to the lowest level, sometimes you have to accept that some readers will not be able to see yet because seeing in this case is dependant on what is already in the reader's mind.
[8] sir_heff @ 65.172.117.1 | 16-Dec-04/8:55 AM | Reply
i like it
-8- cause it was semi-confusing, but i like the message
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