Re: Being Alone by Sunshine Conkey	19-Jun-05/10:41 PM
There is a certain lack of the truly poetic here, no real rhyme, rhythm or elegant use of language, if you take the line breaks out it is just a simple statement.
Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	19-Jun-05/10:44 PM
This is undoubtedly the worst thing of yours I have ever read. The content is a highly erroneous sweeping statement and the form is nothing really.
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	19-Jun-05/10:48 PM
I would have to disagree with Dovina, this is a bland mediocre expression of teenage infatuation. The use of punctuation, and the correct form of the first person singular would also be a step in the right direction.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jun-05/10:52 PM
Yuck. The punctuation is awful, and I definately would change S2L3.
Re: Contemplation by raiyna	19-Jun-05/10:58 PM
The past simple of forsake is forsook not forsaked.
Re: Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	20-Jun-05/10:36 PM
'Arranged in heaps', disarranged perhaps There was only one bare foot? Some punctuation would improve it, but it was a laugh.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jun-05/10:40 PM
My feeling is that this sort of poetry is greatly improved by punctuation and a select rhythm that carries you along. again i must ask, what is it, apart from poor sentence construction and line breaks that makes this a poem and not merely prose.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jun-05/10:44 PM
As a song lyric I think it is fine.
Re: Treblinka Re-opened by Caducus	20-Jun-05/10:47 PM
I find the constant changing of tenses, from present to past and back again rather strange and I do not see how it helps the poem.
Re: After A Love is Lost by pinay_miss_azn	21-Jun-05/9:57 PM
This is too long for what it has to say.
Re: Eternal Pain by lil_evil_boi	21-Jun-05/10:00 PM
Why do I feel like I have read it a thousand times before??
Re: Arson by Roisin	21-Jun-05/10:17 PM
No bad, a little work, and the addition of a few small words could make it better.
Re: Slam. by darby pyn	21-Jun-05/10:27 PM
I do not think rockmage is limiting himself really, on the 12 of June he rated all the poems I had then posted, one recieved a three, the others were all zeros and ones. I think he is probably going through an insecurity problem so I shall not join the dance, it would not help I believe. Nevertheless, if I were the type who dished out zeros this might well be a candidate for one.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	22-Jun-05/12:55 PM
Interesting read, if somewhat ghastly.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jun-05/1:12 PM
But what would be the point of remembering the artist's bones, without the flesh they are like a poem without rhyme and rhythm, disjointed and non-functional.
Re: A spectacular poem by a handsome man by <{Baba^Yaga}>	22-Jun-05/9:54 PM
I suggest you go and live in Myanmar for a year or two.
Re: Our world by 47Ronin	22-Jun-05/9:56 PM
You mean there were no plants, rocks, soil or anything?I guess a lot depends on how good your eyesight is.
Re: Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	22-Jun-05/10:06 PM
Foul play indeed, but let us not be chicken-hearted, I cluck that a little more punctuation might improve the flavour.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jun-05/10:10 PM
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Such an effort to include punctuation. I do dream is the sort of English I expect from pretty hopeless, or new, foreign-language students.
Re: Release by Miracle	22-Jun-05/10:15 PM
L3S4 should be caught as the rst of the poem is in the past tense, and in dire risk of repeating myself this morning I will suggest that the use of punctuation is normally considered beneficial when included within the written form of the English language, that is assuming you are trying to communicate with someone other than your own subconcious.