regarding some deleted poem...	5-Sep-04/9:46 AM
It is not iambic pentametre either.
Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac	5-Sep-04/9:53 AM
Spreading Sturm und drang across two lines looks very poor, you ae breaking aconcept where no concept should be broken, still there is some nice imagery here, made me remember being an undergraduate.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Sep-04/9:42 PM
I quite liked this, nice scheme, nice thoughts. S2L4 would become a perfect rhyme if you wrote it as "Leaving behind only empty regret" you don't need to say it is your regret that follows naturally enough.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Sep-04/9:44 PM
I think a little rhythm and rhyme here would have been most appropraite and would have enhanced the humour.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Sep-04/9:52 PM
There is a good start here but it is rough, the rhythm falters and crashes often. You are a fan of Blake's Tyger Tyger I suspect, but perhaps I am wrong. Anyway this needs editorial work. As an example try inverting the order of lines 1 and 2
Re: A Poem by BigB	5-Sep-04/9:54 PM
I also think a better title, or more clarification in the poem would be in order.
Re: Stand Up For Yourself !!! by Brandy_n_Cali	5-Sep-04/9:58 PM
Further more you have not really said anything new, which means you have to say it in a memorable way to make your effort worth while, communication and especially poetry is not just ideas in words, but ideas/feelings in words that are well used, shaped and polished like a gem until they shine.
Re: Director's Cut by New Life Drug	6-Sep-04/7:37 AM
Dear NLD, It is very nice to see something positive being said. As a poem however this lacks that something extra in language usage to really raise it above prose. Also things like we were standing.... when suddenly you appeared, as there are really only the two of you in this story one is left wondering who the first we applies to if 'you' were not there, or how you could have been there and then appeared. All told I think you have a core here but you need to work on it some. Cut, prune and shape it a bit.
Re: Sunrise by TLRufener	8-Sep-04/5:52 AM
The line "Once more I sleep none" is so ungrammatic it pretty much ruins the rest of the poem, some punctuation would also help.
Re: New Year by emilyowey	8-Sep-04/5:57 AM
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
Re: New Year by emilyowey	8-Sep-04/5:57 AM
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
Re: New Year by emilyowey	8-Sep-04/5:57 AM
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
Re: Eurydice by unknown	11-Sep-04/10:22 PM
This would make a nice song actually
Re: Solitude by Dovina	13-Sep-04/10:02 PM
Dear Dovina, While this is obviously a pretty picture the language usage does not appear to be very poetic to meeither in its use of metaphor etc, or in its imagery presentation, and there is not rhyme or rhythm. "A picture in Phi" what does this offer us phi "Φ" being the 21st letter of the Greek alphabet, the Greek equivalent of "F", a circle with a line through it, doesn't inspire me with images relevent to seashells or hermit crabs or solitude. So I am sorry but I just don't see the poetry here, just prose.
Re: The Grey Prince Of Gulls by Caducus	14-Dec-04/1:58 AM
Some interesting imagery
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-04/2:07 AM
Interesting but there are some rather mediocre lines here = 7,8,14 the stresses are out of sync in line 10 and I fail to understand why smooth is spelled smoothe
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-04/2:08 AM
Pretty shallow really
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-04/2:15 AM
Thislooks like you just wrote it down and then didn't bother to look at it. You need to work on if you want it to be anying worth reading.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-04/5:10 AM
Those who can do, those who can't claim it isn't worth the effort. Long live the debate.
Re: You and Me at Boulder Lake by jessicazee	14-Dec-04/5:13 AM
I liked the last 1.5 lines the best. The toenail of God doesn't seem to harmonise, and I fail to understand why most of the line breaks are where they are. But it was an interesting read.