Re: rear end of the storm by malpaso	11-Jun-07/4:11 PM
Love the rain.
Re: leaves of clover by lmp	11-Jun-07/4:21 PM
I like the story, and the beginning shorter stanzas, really gets the rhythm, but the longer lines are kinda awkward. The use of simple language in a story of this kind benifits (I think) from some flowery descriptions as in - gyroscopically and Apis mellifera. I can't even begin to get nect'r and wreck to rhyme. (could just be my accent) Rhyme is so damned hard to achieve without seeming forced.
Re: Take-Off by oneglove	14-Jun-07/5:47 PM
You know, I'm not great on titles - in fact can be a bit random with them, but when you write with such dream-like and warm images I think your title should reflect that. It seems a little bland for what you have actually written, which is really good. I like it immensely.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jun-07/6:01 PM
Oh God Yes! I feel the need to stand and cheer!
Re: Bonded by Skamper	16-Jun-07/10:40 AM
wow guys - your comments are weirdly comforting. thanks :)
Re: Decisions by MacFrantic	16-Jun-07/10:43 AM
flows along nicely enough to be kinda fun and yet a little bloody.
Re: Morning Maid by Enkidu	16-Jun-07/10:48 AM
Not sure why I like this, and definately know I don't get the full message. Maybe that's why...
Re: It's Simple by Enkidu	16-Jun-07/10:50 AM
Nice little play on words - the give and take of it all...
Re: ........ by Prince of Void	16-Jun-07/10:54 AM
I'm just confused - by the language and the message.
Re: Between two Truths by Dovina	16-Jun-07/10:58 AM
I hate to be a band-wagon jumper but I agree with the other two. I like the whole write apart from the cars/churches...they don't seem to work together.
Re: This road goes on forever by MacFrantic	16-Jun-07/11:03 AM
Sad - it all feels right except for how suicide used to be a pleasant sight...not sure what you mean by that.
Re: Tropical afternoon by cpill	16-Jun-07/11:29 AM
Maybe it's because I'm a girl - but the first line just seems too repulsive to go with the rest of the write...I don't get the connection. Overall the resignation at what life brings is evident, and painted quite well...
Re: The wait by aliena	19-Jun-07/2:22 AM
"The verse that would come forth" seems a little clumsy - I think it's the "that would come" not sure about it. It mucked up the flow for me. Also, you could drop the 'that' from the second to last line. I liked the musings within this piece.
Re: The One I Threw Back by drnick	19-Jun-07/2:30 AM
The dream becoming blurry, works better for me. I've buried myself inside mistakes or Buried myself inside my mistakes..or I'm buried inside my mistakes...not sure on the proper english for this but seems to be too many "ownership" words in this line. What you reckon? I love the torment hindsight can deliver.
Re: husk [hai-crete] by lmp	21-Jun-07/6:36 AM
Love it
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-07/6:37 AM
Did you write this in crayon?
Re: Contemplation by Something_Else	21-Jun-07/6:40 AM
I get easily distracted and the capitol letters starting each line is distracting. Apart from that an inner dialogue fitting of the mad...maybe?
Re: In the circle of agonies… by Prince of Void	21-Jun-07/3:54 PM
Get rid of all the punctuation - use the ends of lines as the break points and throw way those capitol letters. Agony is a fairly powerful word, but using it too often in the one write (even though it is about agony) robs it of the impact. This has almost the reclusive feel one who lives in pain constantly.
Re: Dismissing Contentment by Something_Else	21-Jun-07/3:57 PM
This is one of those writes that makes me sigh - so under-dramatic. Nicely done. Just one thing find another word for intimidates - a variation of it used already in the first stanza, it's too big a word for double use.
Re: Better Things by EAger to Offend	21-Jun-07/4:00 PM
Not bad at all.