Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:26 PM
go do what ALChemy said - you can tell a story, but force it unnaturally into rhyme. Try free versing this - I bet it will surprise you
Re: Anthony by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:31 PM
where is the unusual? What is it that defines this couple and their lives as being unusual? The story is not so different to everyone's apart from the fact that it's happening to them -
Re: light [edited] by lmp	29-Jun-07/6:22 PM
I can see the image you are trying to create, and the contrast - but, find I would be lost if it wasn't for the comments above. So, maybe you need to put the fruit in the title somehow because I keep wanting to change 'rind' to 'ring' as if it's a typo...
Re: Summer Festival by Christof	30-Jun-07/5:47 PM
very cute just as it is
Re: A See-Through Prayer by PsydewaysTears	30-Jun-07/5:56 PM
very song-like, with an olde feel that doesn't quite make it...the punctuation is distracting. I don't feel anything for or from this write.
Re: courtyard by lmp	30-Jun-07/5:58 PM
why the spacings now? I have seen this done in a few poems and don't get the idea behind it.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	30-Jun-07/6:12 PM
Surprising you find awe in grass - something I've never even considered to be wondered over. The first two lines in the last stanza bring an instant response of awe...but the grass! Interesting how your mind works with what you see.
Re: Lullaby by lexxie100	30-Jun-07/6:16 PM
You don't need the 'night' in nightlight - we know it's dark you told us that in the first line of the second verse. Unless you are referring to the light a child may need to sleep with? Still you mention night again in line four - the flow would work better without the extra night.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jun-07/6:17 PM
feeling your age lately?
Re: The Demonbaker's Death by PsydewaysTears	1-Jul-07/6:09 PM
notice how your first stanzas are shorter lines? That works really well - stick to that. I love the fantasy/goth feel of this...
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jul-07/6:58 PM
Nice work if you can get it How about something from the lighter side of life?
Re: Lamb of God by Edna Sweetlove	3-Jul-07/7:02 PM
at least she gave it's arse a break
Re: What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	3-Jul-07/7:15 PM
that's poetry - brilliant
Re: Farewell by Skamper	11-Jul-07/2:30 AM
I know - it was all rather haphazzardly written. It is an old one that I stuck up here on my way out. I am travelling Australia for a year and will only post sporadically (got that from clueless)... thanks for the input anyway! :) cya when I can.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Aug-07/4:36 AM
I have to agree with nypoet - the first line is a little awkward, the last two need the leadup to be as visually stunning as they are.
Re: Stuck in Re-Verse by Alex Green	19-Aug-07/4:46 AM
go to the music shop and find some Cake, take it home, listen to it...sigh...
Re: Still Life by thetrev	25-Sep-07/10:18 PM
I feel I want to read more into this than what is apparant - I will take it at face value and maybe add just hint of human emotion to it. I enjoyed it - scene well captured
Re: Ad Infinitum by MacFrantic	25-Sep-07/10:21 PM
gloomy - and I feel the need to rush to the defence of being alive.
Re: Lost Soul Place by sonawrote	25-Sep-07/10:25 PM
I like the rhyme for this write - it reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on...take this to it's darkest edge with a hint of the evil that resides within lonely soul place. It's almost macabre...( a few typos too need fixing)
Re: Matter of Will by forsaken	25-Sep-07/10:29 PM
At first read I thought you were writing this as a writer - with total control of what your written characters do, but now I'm not so sure. Towards the end you give the impression of being forced into an action that will make you the person every-one thinks you are...Still confused - but I like a challenge...