poemranker ::Summer Festival by Christof

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Free verse № 152890

Summer Festival

by Christof

Member since 2002 · Posted 29 Jun 2007 · 16 comments

During a day and a half of wind and rain There's no point bringing the washing in And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs The clinging bras and flapping skirts Slick with water like sweaty skin Dance a blissful drunken shrug And will not stop till the sun floods in.

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mean 6.71 weighted 5.46 rank 2890 views 221 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

16 comments

[7] lmp 29-Jun-07/3:23 PM Reply
i would start line 2 differently; it is disjointed and does not flow well from line 1. perhaps "we saw" instead of "there's" on line 2 or maybe omit "during" from line 1.

no need for the "and" at the start of line 3.

i do like the imagery and similies:
"loose-limbed", "clinging", "flapping", "slick...like sweaty skin", and my favorite " dance a blissful drunken shrug".
lines 3-7 very successfully animate the clothing as much as the wind would.

a few nitpicks as indicated, but good work.
[7] lmp › lmp 29-Jun-07/3:24 PM Reply
why did you vote for this yourself? just curious.
[n/a] Christof › lmp 2-Jul-07/9:09 AM Reply
Er... I didn't. How could I? I don't think the site even allows you to do that, does it?
[n/a] Christof › lmp 2-Jul-07/9:12 AM Reply
Actually, that's quite a serious allegation in Poemrankerland. I'd like to know why you said that.
[0] xxx › Christof 13-Jul-07/6:07 PM Reply
look at your IPS A TEN IS REGISTERED TO YOU (BLUE).
[n/a] Christof › xxx 16-Jul-07/1:44 AM Reply
I still don't know where you see the IPS, but anyway, I'm not very good at that sort of thing. Further investigation has shown that it was my wife thinking she was doing me a favour. I've told her not to bother in the future.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Christof 16-Jul-07/3:11 PM Reply
I hope you disciplined her.
[n/a] Christof › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 17-Jul-07/1:22 AM Reply
Of course, and she was grateful.
[7] Dovina 29-Jun-07/3:28 PM Reply
Either omit the one period or punctuate as prudent. I suggest the latter. Try omitting "and the" in L3, and "the" in L4.
[n/a] Christof › Dovina 2-Jul-07/3:31 AM Reply
Interesting - I can't see where to punctuate this without interrupting the flow of the thing. Suggestions?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Christof 16-Jul-07/3:15 PM Reply
I would have punctuated it like this:

During a day and a half of wind and rain
There's no point bringing the washing in.
And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs,
The clinging bras and flapping skirts,
Slick with water like sweaty skin,
Dance a blissful drunken shrug
And will not stop till the sun floods in.
[7] Dovina › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 17-Jul-07/3:34 PM Reply
That's the most constructive thing you have ever said. Not the funniest though.
[7] Skamper 30-Jun-07/5:47 PM Reply
very cute just as it is
[8] Ranger 1-Jul-07/3:09 AM Reply
If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon.

'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.
[n/a] Christof › Ranger 13-Jul-07/7:17 AM Reply
You're right, and on reflection I go for 'lolloping' instead.
[8] Nicholas Jones 3-Jul-07/11:30 AM Reply
This is actually rather lovely. I see that you too are enjoying the great British summer. The irony of using the word 'flood' to refer to the sun rather than the water is nicely done.