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Summer Festival (Free verse) by Christof During a day and a half of wind and rain
There's no point bringing the washing in
And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs
The clinging bras and flapping skirts
Slick with water like sweaty skin
Dance a blissful drunken shrug
And will not stop till the sun floods in.
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10.25.04
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The Two Temperaments of Man
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Posted: June 29, 2007 4:30 AM PDT; Last modified: June 29, 2007 4:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4610424 Overall Rank: 2873 Comments:
Either omit the one period or punctuate as prudent. I suggest the latter. Try omitting "and the" in L3, and "the" in L4.
Interesting - I can't see where to punctuate this without interrupting the flow of the thing. Suggestions?
I would have punctuated it like this:
During a day and a half of wind and rain There's no point bringing the washing in. And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs, The clinging bras and flapping skirts, Slick with water like sweaty skin, Dance a blissful drunken shrug And will not stop till the sun floods in.
That's the most constructive thing you have ever said. Not the funniest though.
very cute just as it is
If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon.
'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.
You're right, and on reflection I go for 'lolloping' instead.
This is actually rather lovely. I see that you too are enjoying the great British summer. The irony of using the word 'flood' to refer to the sun rather than the water is nicely done.
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no need for the "and" at the start of line 3.
i do like the imagery and similies:
"loose-limbed", "clinging", "flapping", "slick...like sweaty skin", and my favorite " dance a blissful drunken shrug".
lines 3-7 very successfully animate the clothing as much as the wind would.
a few nitpicks as indicated, but good work.