| Re: Exile in New Hamshire by AlexandraLeaving |
6-Jan-07/12:18 PM |
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I rather thought theese meant you were a southerner.
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| Re: Advent by Nicholas Jones |
23-Dec-06/3:12 PM |
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Sounds like something the wretched Dovina would write. It is all tell and not show.
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| Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey |
27-Nov-06/2:12 AM |
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Like the curate's egg. I don't like 'Your scornful view on things is far too grim;'.
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| Re: a comment on Raising the nap by howl |
27-Nov-06/2:03 AM |
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what do you mean re 'pushing it forward'?
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| Re: tormented suspicion by pollywolly |
15-Nov-06/1:40 PM |
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replace 'brings forth tears/ to my eyes' with 'brings forth tears/ to my bum'
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| Re: Just words by aliena |
15-Nov-06/1:37 PM |
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This is pretty good. 'And words are the easiest' is rather cack-handed (the easiest what/of what). I like 'break them across lines'.
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| Re: Bagni di Lucca by Sasha |
8-Nov-06/2:51 AM |
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and how does one go about translating daft formatting?
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| Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha |
1-Nov-06/2:20 PM |
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Every stanza should end with a full stop. I know you are experimenting with style but it doesn't work. I don't like the final stanza (first two lines of) either.
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| Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic |
1-Nov-06/11:19 AM |
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sadder wiser beers is urgh. The final stanza's enjambment is off. Why not just: It was a fire balloon from Essen/launched to measure high altitude winds. No aliens here/just hazy earthlings, shooting/into the dark bushes.
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| Re: Still by half.italian |
1-Nov-06/3:19 AM |
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Too disparate see daniella's txt to Russia. The 'I am' in the first line is used to draw together the images.
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| Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella |
1-Nov-06/2:52 AM |
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A little unsubstantial. It has a well crafted order.
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| Re: Crappy by drnick |
24-Oct-06/8:38 AM |
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you seem to keep missing the verb to be out all the time. If you see the verb to be as naughty use different verbs.
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| Re: Your Eyes by Dovina |
24-Oct-06/8:34 AM |
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Good apart from the last line which is a bit of a bum ending.
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| Re: MRS Degree by Miggy |
24-Oct-06/8:31 AM |
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She is the opposit of a tack is terrible :( as is the teachers giving her an A. I'd have given her an F.
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| Re: Prologue by Dovina |
24-Oct-06/8:30 AM |
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Cool. Put in on your gravestone.
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| Re: The Little Mouse That Roared by Wakeboarder20 |
24-Oct-06/8:28 AM |
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and not afraid to force the issue is so ridiculous it made me Lol.
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| Re: Danger Zone by Miggy |
24-Oct-06/8:25 AM |
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Mature version of truth or dare sounds terrible. I much prefer it with a young filly.:(
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| Re: The Day Habeas Corpus Died by Wakeboarder20 |
24-Oct-06/8:23 AM |
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I don't know why you argue that this poem has any subtlety. It doesn't. On the plus side it isn't too shoddy. I dont like the 'not as good as tv reality' line. I think it would work better if the narrator were watching something specific.
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| Re: Kill Criminals In The Name Of JESUS! by Sing4Jesus! |
24-Oct-06/8:16 AM |
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This is good. Apart from the last verse. The last verse is bollocks.
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| Re: Bitter by Ranger |
15-Oct-06/6:09 AM |
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