Re: Kittens and Pocket Money by Shuushin	26-Jun-07/5:05 PM
i can picture a certain droll, intelligent character on a certain TV show speaking this. it also resonates, i think, with many, if not all, people. nicely done.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jun-07/2:43 PM
young are innocent middle aged commit the sins elders pay penance
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jun-07/2:44 PM
bravo. and i do like the double meaning that Paul pointed out.
Re: The Riddle by lexxie100	29-Jun-07/11:20 AM
sobriety anniversary, perhaps, but i do not think so. maybe a bout of mental illness, but minor, like seasonal defective disorder. or maybe just allergies. anyhow, this could be more subtle in the way it is written and the rhyming is too forced, in my opinion. not all poetry needs to have an even meter and rhyme pattern; simple, effective groupings of words often convey a more powerful/clear message.
Re: Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22	29-Jun-07/3:16 PM
i do like the improvement of the ending, although i would think Alex would "sulk" his answer; "huff" seems a bit wrong somehow, as if he were flummoxed (but maybe he is). interesting bit that Alex(ander) is making the comment about not following Bush any longer; the origin of Alex's name implies leadership. extra point for the content.
Re: Summer Festival by Christof	29-Jun-07/3:23 PM
i would start line 2 differently; it is disjointed and does not flow well from line 1. perhaps "we saw" instead of "there's" on line 2 or maybe omit "during" from line 1. no need for the "and" at the start of line 3. i do like the imagery and similies: "loose-limbed", "clinging", "flapping", "slick...like sweaty skin", and my favorite " dance a blissful drunken shrug". lines 3-7 very successfully animate the clothing as much as the wind would. a few nitpicks as indicated, but good work.
Re: courtyard by lmp	29-Jun-07/3:42 PM
i can accept that the previously posted version of this in the concrete style sucked. i thank those that pointed out the flaws. while this may not be a better version, necessarily, it is at least more true to the original visceral response to (and memory of) the moment that motivated the penning of these words.
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	2-Jul-07/8:46 AM
ugh. horrid topic, well portrayed. i think that the single line "hear our silence" is sufficient to convey the "shame on spectators" message. especially haunting is the last verse...
Re: Deeper by Skamper	2-Jul-07/9:03 AM
are you in love with a sociopath? just kidding. i like it.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	2-Jul-07/9:23 AM
i do like the rhythm that (it appears) you have tweaked. whatever, it works well with the theme. i hear the wind on this prairie, the soft subtle moaning through the blades as they rustle, bending and sweeping their neighbors. i also like the slow outward zoom, if you will, going from micro to macro, although if this was intentional, there are a few places where it breaks the progression: s3 & s5 zoom much further out. something about the last stanza is uncomfortable. i guess putting yourself into the piece brings the image of the expanse of the prairie to bear, but doesn't sit well with me. much in the same way that some tlevision commercials will lead in with some awe-inspiring imagery, only to ruin the effect by presenting their product. but that is personal preference... still, a great piece. thanks.
Re: Pot Haikus (Ode to Stoners) by Shardik	3-Jul-07/7:55 AM
spliff-er-riffic!
Re: What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	3-Jul-07/8:31 AM
i think s6 sums up the entire message succinctly. s2 is a bit confusing: flatlines EKG, but no ink marks. and transparent links (as in weblinks)...? i do like the analogies between your own vessel and that of an automobile. i am guessing the "logbook" is the recordings of a GPS device, and that someone rather upset/ill is driving around concerend for their well being. dunno. i like the images and am intrigued by the "story".
Re: Promise Knot by PsydewaysTears	5-Jul-07/8:34 AM
first three stanzas work, then it all goes John Cage-ish and dischordant. maybe thats the way it goes.... things just fall apart.
Re: Farewell by Skamper	5-Jul-07/8:38 AM
agree with Dovina's coments and also with INTRANSIT. this does have a lot more potential, and you have shown us with previous work that you can polish this up.
Re: Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina	11-Jul-07/3:29 PM
i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black". line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3. as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.
Re: Master by Dovina	20-Sep-07/2:26 PM
i dont really get any cynicism here. perhaps i am daft. i was rather repulsed by the cowering servility of the narrator, but then the last verse i can almost see a sneer creep into the subject's face. i do hope that the keepr of the subject's soul is not the "Lord" or "Master", but rather the subject themsleves. maybe the words are spoken true, as in "i will shield nothing from you since all i do is what you ask." in that case, i am further repulsed. not your best, but we all write what we need to write, nonetheless.
Re: California Bound by Dovina	21-Sep-07/9:47 AM
well, maybe if the guv'ment need a new weapons test site, they can move north a bit.
Re: Another Date by Dovina	21-Sep-07/9:57 AM
funny you should say you look for a man with qualities in verse 1. an inuendo or two could be made there, especially with line 3.
Re: Crotchety Old Geezer by Dovina	21-Sep-07/10:17 AM
you young whelps don't know how hard it was to write before this confounded internet. we had to actually move pen across paper, and if we screwed up a word, we had to scratch it out! and we had to use a real dictionary - an actualy big, heavy book - to look up words instead of the ridiculously easy "open another web page" nonsense. and if you lost that piece of paper or it got wet or burned, you were shit out of luck if you could not recite it from your own memory, i tell you. kids these days...
Re: Poemranker is Back! by Dovina	5-Nov-10/6:18 PM
was it gone? i missed the downtime....