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Cotopaxi Store, Colorado (Free verse) by Dovina
Ponytail wags from baseball cap khaki pants and khaki hat sweatshirt flaunting “Mountain Zone” muddy boots of brown and green Country woman, tall and lean wallet pulled from pocket back for coffee, donut, black and sweet Back in the pickup, out on the road steers to move and cows to feed city poachers to track and bleed

Up the ladder: elegy
Down the ladder: Whenever Forever Is

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7164
Posted: July 10, 2007 5:51 PM PDT; Last modified: July 10, 2007 5:51 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 86.131.57.106 | 11-Jul-07/2:58 PM | Reply
Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.
[n/a] Dovina @ 63.251.186.252 > Ranger | 13-Jul-07/8:35 AM | Reply
She’s not like this girl.
[8] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 11-Jul-07/3:29 PM | Reply
i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black".

line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3.

as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.
[n/a] Dovina @ 63.251.186.252 > lmp | 13-Jul-07/8:34 AM | Reply
How about “for coffee, donut, sweet and black” for Line 7, and let the double meanings ride? Thanks.
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