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Cotopaxi Store, Colorado (Free verse) by Dovina Ponytail wags from baseball cap
khaki pants and khaki hat
sweatshirt flaunting âMountain Zoneâ
muddy boots of brown and green
Country woman, tall and lean
wallet pulled from pocket back
for coffee, donut, black and sweet
Back in the pickup, out on the road
steers to move and cows to feed
city poachers to track and bleed
Up the ladder:
Winds Cakel
Down the ladder:
The Situation as it Stands
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: July 10, 2007 5:51 PM PDT; Last modified: July 10, 2007 5:51 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7161 Comments:
[8]
Ranger @ 86.131.57.106
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11-Jul-07/2:58 PM
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Reply
Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 63.251.186.252
> Ranger
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13-Jul-07/8:35 AM
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Reply
Sheâs not like this girl.
i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black".
line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3. as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.
How about âfor coffee, donut, sweet and blackâ for Line 7, and let the double meanings ride? Thanks.
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