| Re: With Old Light by Ranger |
26-Aug-06/9:08 AM |
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Wow, that was beautiful. There are so many good lines, and very good rhythem! I related to the third stanza the most, very nice. I wish I could offer some advice, but I suppose it would just be to write more!
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| Re: Quatrain by ALChemy |
26-Aug-06/9:13 AM |
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Do not change the title to Beauty and the Beast. A title is not something to fret over (in my mind). Anywho, I really like this - a unique thought in a world of mindless echos. Monsters rule.
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| Re: Ending Well by Dovina |
26-Aug-06/9:17 AM |
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To be honest I didn't notice the rhyming , so I think that's fine. This is alright, but I think you can do better. It's rather bland if that makes any sense.
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| Re: Solace by Miggy |
12-Sep-06/10:02 PM |
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Are these country lyrics? Because when I think of country music I think of music for the musically disabled. I saw glimpses of something that could be something, but I think it's just another case in the jar.
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| Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger |
27-Sep-06/2:10 PM |
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What's up, buddy? Just wanted to say hi, I'll be back later to read your poem.
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| Re: To My Love by Lola |
11-Oct-06/11:45 AM |
Now, lola, I'm going to be quite critical on this poem...not because I don't like you, but because you can do better than this.
When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices).
p.s. love sucks.
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| Re: Timing by Dovina |
11-Oct-06/11:47 AM |
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| Re: Caveat by MacFrantic |
11-Oct-06/11:49 AM |
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nice rhythem, but I think Dovina is right...pretty good otherwise.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Oct-06/11:49 PM |
I'm not sure the subject could convey to that many people, but I definately like it. Smooth rhythem, and a unique style.
Meanings are meaningless, nevertheless inevitable upon second guess.
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| Re: Bitter by Ranger |
12-Oct-06/7:57 PM |
Yes! You know I love this one, how could I not? I agree that your title could be better, but it's just a title. I also agree with nyp on the first stanza, but I would change it to:
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
While I sat there in despair
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
And never told me where
And, again, agreeing with nyp (guy is giving some tastey advice), the last line should be "With no road back to me". Other than that I like every fucking letter of this poem. nice!
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| Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina |
14-Oct-06/10:32 AM |
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I like the line "aware of her insignificance" as I can relate. This is how I feel posting on here, though I do still keep going unlike the person of whom you write. If you used some awkward wording in this it might force the reader to feel what she may have felt on the podium.
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| Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow |
14-Oct-06/10:38 AM |
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"Forevermore, nevermore."??????? I sense a severe lack of effort and just like love is enslavement, rhyming seems to have enslaved you.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Oct-06/10:47 AM |
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There's a unique voice to this that I like. This reminds me of the racing current of thoughts through my head when I took mushrooms. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone who has not been in a different state of mind could appreciate this. Very good.
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| Re: Crappy by drnick |
17-Oct-06/12:00 AM |
This piece of shit was inspired by Dovina's poem, "A Scientist's Prayer". So thanks, Dovinator(that's my new name for you).
Jesus was a pussy. I love pussy. => I love Jesus.
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| Re: Your Eyes by Dovina |
17-Oct-06/8:45 PM |
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This seems quite different from what you normally write, but I definately like it!
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| Re: MRS Degree by Miggy |
20-Oct-06/10:11 AM |
This has to be country lyrics because the only way you could get away with this simplistic nonsense is if you were singing it to a bunch of inbred republicans. Do you honestly think you're improving? Do you even care? Do you actually spend the amount of time from one post to another for working on these lyrics? Let me break it down for you:
YOU ARE TERRIBLE, THESE ARE THE WORST "LYRICS" I HAVE SEEN/HEARD SINCE YOUR LAST POST. EITHER STOP WRITING OR HEADBUTT THE SHARP END OF A KNIFE.
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| Re: Pope Benedict And The Limbo Problem by Edna Sweetlove |
20-Oct-06/10:13 AM |
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Amazing, I need to go rethink my life.
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| Re: Danger Zone by Miggy |
23-Oct-06/2:51 PM |
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Inspiring with its complexity.
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| Re: Prologue by Dovina |
23-Oct-06/2:58 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Oct-06/8:40 AM |
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Why don't more people think like this?
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