Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	19-Jun-05/2:42 PM
"If God had meant for men to have sex with other men then he would have put holes in their butts..." or so I've heard from certain individuals who've lost the ability to discern excrement from extreme snowboot shinola.
Re: Regime Change by Nicholas Jones	19-Jun-05/3:28 PM
Another vietnam? Another Afganistan would be more acurate, but that doesn't strike the same chord.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jun-05/4:01 PM
Points for candor... 9 of them. Despite a complete lack of any aesthethic quality, the list painted a picture of sorts.
Re: Dovecote by zodiac	20-Jun-05/9:27 AM
This poem captures a poignant moment in the healing process. The hesitency to voice the nature of the transgressions represents an obstacle to healing, while the capacity to at least allude to the issue represents hope.
Re: Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	20-Jun-05/9:30 AM
Pherengi rule of acquisition #73: You could afford a ship without your government -- If it wasn't for your government.
Re: Continuation by baughworm	20-Jun-05/9:41 AM
You capture the imagery of the cycle well, without accidentally endorsing it. The contrast between the she wolf's immortality attained through submission to death and the drug abuser's tenous cling on mortality gained with the sacrifice of her child is superb. The double meaning of the last two lines is excellent. I'd be tempted to use "aborted attempt," but that could misfire.
Re: Transport by baughworm	20-Jun-05/9:55 AM
Here's your reference points: Culturally fated to the Incinerator - Hell Cathode ray ether Offering a pleasant Numbness - TV I think you can take it from there.
Re: If God Was a Nihilist by baughworm	20-Jun-05/10:09 AM
Is man good? It would be an important claim to make, especially if it is false. It is better to leave God or the gods out of the process of defining goodness if we wish to be included as good. The means of doing so usually involves obtaining instructions and a sharp instrument from the wife and/or mother of the reigning patriarch. One implication of a poem like this is that the pen might be the instrument.
Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	20-Jun-05/10:31 AM
This is didactic and you broke rhythm a the end with no effect. It would have been better if the poem balanced the positives of age against the negatives, presenting the young reader with the opportunity to choose what kind of old man he will be (and older readers the opportunity to re-evaluate their choices).
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-05/6:50 PM
It is what it is and it is good at being what you said it is.
Re: Slam. by darby pyn	21-Jun-05/7:08 PM
Before you get too upset about someone voting you a "0," look at who it is. This system is subject to a few abuses and it appears that you and I are rockmage's victims. I urge you to join me in returning the favor.
Re: Today is very far away from a good day by Prince of Void	21-Jun-05/7:21 PM
Worth a 4. Giving you an 8 to balance out a certain putz who votes 0 for all poems posted by those who aren't among his chronies. Click on "view voting details" and taking whatever action you deem appropriate.
Re: To Brush, or Not to Brush, That is the Question! by Lenore	22-Jun-05/11:30 AM
Where's the motion? Is there some other excuse for inflicting these dreadful images and this poor grammar upon us other than your routine root canal?
Re: RAGGED TIME MELODY by Joshua_Tree	28-Jun-05/7:27 AM
Thank you Zodiac, others, for your comments before. The exchange turned out to be a fruitful one for me. I hope that feeling is mutual.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	28-Jun-05/7:47 AM
Somehow collective pain never has the psychological impact of individual pain. Poetry can address this in two ways. It can throw bare a single example in the midst of the chaos of pain or it lay the pain on in unstopping layers like some abuelita unwittingly building a bullet resistant pinata. You score for having something to say, for saying it well and for not being self centered in you communication. You just need to conciously decide on an approach and work it in order to get a 10.
Re: wasn't ready by hendrimike	28-Jun-05/9:20 AM
The transition from your metaphor to its application is always going to be difficult. One way around that is to put the situation in the title and stick with the metaphor throughout the poem.
Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	28-Jun-05/11:55 AM
Subsequent reads turned up more posibilities than I had noticed at first.
Re: Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina	28-Jun-05/12:15 PM
I would rather read the poem than the criticism, so I'll not join any existing fracas below. You have made up words, used an unnecessary archaism, butchered punctuation, thrown capitalization completely out the penthouse window... and it was worth it. The poem reads, at least to someone who has never been to Tennessee, like it was written by someone from Tennessee, or rather that these were the raw thoughts of the person failing to assure themselves of their decision. I love the beauty and artistry of the language as much as anyone, but I also love its flexibility. Someone with the skill for expression should be allowed to make the determination for themselves whether to use formal or free flowing styles to reflect their subject matter. Any elitist to say otherwise can go to Barstow as far as I'm concerned.
Re: WHAT KIND OF FOOL ARE YOU? by Joshua_Tree	28-Jun-05/11:37 PM
I'm not posting anything here that I've written more recently than 3 years ago, so if someone thinks that I'm still that vulnerable, they're probably wrong. All snarky comments will be deleted. This is my "B" material. If I receive some constructive criticism that helps me turn it into good poetry then I'm happy with it. I'll not cast any pearls before rockmage.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jun-05/11:56 PM
You gave me just enough clues to figure it out, which means that its probably too obscure for most people. So it's -2 for obscurity, +2 for subjective pleasure at the comments so far. Some off-hand mention of Texas might be appropriate. The great thing about this scene is that it paints celebrity and domesticity at the same time. The recurring "frame(s)" make it clear that we are not simply dealing with new stanzas of a poem, but with a jerky, disorienting view of an enormous event made paradoxically more grievious by the limitations of the medium by which we are permitted to view it. The line, "an icon yielding to humanity, crawling," is exceptional.