Re: Observation of a stupéfait by Dental Panic	2-Aug-05/12:43 AM
Another possible title: Mouths wide shut. I loved the first two and last two lines. The others kinda reminded me of the theme song from Pocahontas.
Re: War by zodiac	5-Aug-05/7:20 AM
Upon the first reading, it kinda reminded me of the first part of the animated british film "When the Wind Blows" An older couple with a humdrum life and then the omen of war and certain death. I didn't pick up on much of the symbolism. Maybe if you used "The" Yeast it might be deciphered as "The East" which might then lead to the idea that Girlie is from the west. I don't think anyone will recognize Bush as Girlie but they might see the U.S. as Girlie. "Peaces" slips buy as "Peices" on first read. So the last verse kind of comes out of left field after all that domestic talk. So Maybe some slightly less abrasive words than "pungent, graves and bombed". Maybe "as fertile and pungent as mud-pies, as a scorched earth. And yet we have no bread."? I'd prefer Peace over "peaces" only because it's a plural pitted up against a singular. Or maybe just place a period after peaces. The broken sentences make a cryptic poem even more cryptic. Your choice of symbolism and how you set the mood is great there just needs to be some more clues.
Re: Beware of Cruel Poets by Dovina	6-Aug-05/10:39 AM
This poems quite cool Ace. Now turn around so I can nibble on those buns.
Re: Beware of Cruel Poets by Dovina	6-Aug-05/10:42 AM
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Re: REMEBER by prettyktm	9-Aug-05/1:18 AM
You didn't REMEBER to put another M in remember. By the way if you cut off your penis do you think the doctor would remember you?
Re: I Never Thought by TLRufener	9-Aug-05/1:31 AM
Holding unfurled fags huh? Must be a San Fransisco thing. People will judge you here. Hence the site's name. For starters don't write a poem with 19 out of 32 lines that begin with the word I. I do sympathize with your feelings in the poem though.
Re: Soft Stuff by RGSsparky	9-Aug-05/1:41 AM
How does Silly Putty make hilarious noises?
Re: That Summer by XOXScottishgrlXOX	9-Aug-05/1:46 AM
I was love at first sight? a little narcissistic don't you think.
Re: First by Dovina	9-Aug-05/8:23 AM
Then Juan came along and Adam and Jerry never heard from Eve again. In all seriousness though. Don't you think Genesis is a bit demeaning to women. Someone should rewrite it. It's not like it hasn't been done before.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Aug-05/8:41 AM
The opposite of love is not hate it's indifference. This can be said about faith too.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Aug-05/7:06 AM
Change the last two lines (too morbid) and you could probably get this published as a children's book. Brought out the kid in me a little.
Re: sculpture by ThePariahDog	12-Aug-05/6:44 AM
This is a concrete poem. Pretty neat on too.
Re: Words by Dovina	14-Aug-05/8:59 AM
"Vain praise" is redundant if your all ready ignoring it. Unless you mean vain as in conceit then it reads really schizophrenic. The rest is good. Careful the ladder holder might be peeking up your nighty.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-05/9:16 AM
Great stuff but the “Loser, loser, loser.” line could have been infinately better if it hadn't veered from the theme of Trojens so much.
Re: Shadow by TLRufener	14-Aug-05/12:35 PM
Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach. You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though.
Re: Stream of Consciousness (#1) by Enkidu	14-Aug-05/1:11 PM
Without a definitive title stream of consciousness poems are pointless in my opinion. Do a psychological evaluation of the poem and then title it. Otherwise it's just babbling.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-05/1:23 PM
A good love poem but "This weaving together of art Connected by choice words Rhetoric yet to be experienced" seems a little outside the theme.
Re: How Angels Sleep by Dovina	18-Aug-05/10:05 AM
It flows beatifully except for the last line. Needs one more beat I think. "and she knew he understood(Dadum)." PS. beatifully was a pun.
Re: Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina	19-Aug-05/6:12 AM
I'm not sure what "Small squeeze, a swell." is. I won't tell you what my guess is because it's kinda dirty but if I'm right I'll give you a 10 for the devilish grin you caused. Your on a roll now. Good flow again. Keep that factory in your head goin'.
Re: Looking for someone by INTRANSIT	19-Aug-05/6:49 AM
Somewhere in a trailer along the backroads of West Virginia a woman eagerly awaits to hear these very words.