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Shadow (Free verse) by TLRufener Someone creeps near stepping lightly
Making no sound but the beat of their heart
Slowly drawing closer in the shadows
Hidden by what they believe is whole
Alone once again and being followed once more
I hide on them to seek their identity
Gracefully watching from the darkness
Waiting for their steps to carry them past
Hearing the beating growing louder and faster
They know I am ready to pounce
Gentle breeze dances through the shadows
I hear them coming closer still
I am perched and ready to attack
Creeping slowly for a better angle
Holding my breath as they come into view
Pressing down the leaves to see clearly
Springing out of the shadows
Alone just as before with my shadow
Up the ladder:
Explain him
Down the ladder:
Room 34 Ashford Hospital
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: August 12, 2005 7:01 AM PDT; Last modified: August 12, 2005 7:01 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8889 Comments:
[8]
Dovina @ 69.175.32.104
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12-Aug-05/7:27 PM
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Reply
I like it except for the use of "them" and "they" in referring to a person. The ending is great.
Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach.
You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though. 152 view(s)
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