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Throne (Free verse) by MacFrantic In shambles, my award announced
trundles down the embankment.
She is resplendent and her shadow shines.
All the swords of Avalon,
heeding the forthcoming call,
make way for the Queen.
The attire is simple and worn.
I step in shoes of vengeance
and assume the line that I ended.
To take the hand of a maid,
in lieu of violence,
is appealing to my vainglory.
Her knights quiver
in the hand of my false stead.
If comfort and volition stay fast,
of my jealous riot I shall lead
all the land to richness and sway
only for the Gods above.
Up the ladder:
Portrait of a King
Down the ladder:
A Gallery of Errors
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: April 21, 2006 11:08 PM PDT; Last modified: April 28, 2006 11:05 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8795 Comments:
Okay, I'm probably waaaay off the mark here but this actually made me think of beggars. 'In shambles', 'trundles', 'the attire is simple and worn', 'the line that I ended', '(k)nights quiver' (shivering under a blanket) all work in this way for me.
That having been said, it does carry a lot of archaic weight in the language which I like in poetry, and is spot on for the theme of nobility. The only word that didn't quite work was 'vainglory'. I know it's correct but I would personally have preferred it to be split to 'vain glory'. It would keep a certain ambiguity about it that way as well. Overall, top drawer. 207 view(s)
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Your style even echoed of old English (not true old English of course or neither of us would understand a lick of it...). Your word choice was not only smart but another compliment to the overall theme, I like that tightness you managed to pull off so well!!
I also found your stanza variation to be quite exciting & a breath of fresh air from the norm. I might have to try this spicey stanza altercation once myself!! Thanks for the read,
~Sunny