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Throne

Member since 2003 · Posted 21 Apr 2006 · Edited 28 Apr 2006 · 2 comments

In shambles, my award announced trundles down the embankment. She is resplendent and her shadow shines. All the swords of Avalon, heeding the forthcoming call, make way for the Queen. The attire is simple and worn. I step in shoes of vengeance and assume the line that I ended. To take the hand of a maid, in lieu of violence, is appealing to my vainglory. Her knights quiver in the hand of my false stead. If comfort and volition stay fast, of my jealous riot I shall lead all the land to richness and sway only for the Gods above.

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2 comments

[8] Sunny 28-Apr-06/3:47 PM Reply

I actually liked this mideival glory-theme :) You held close to your theme throughout which we all know is crucial in poetry.
Your style even echoed of old English (not true old English of course or neither of us would understand a lick of it...). Your word choice was not only smart but another compliment to the overall theme, I like that tightness you managed to pull off so well!!
I also found your stanza variation to be quite exciting & a breath of fresh air from the norm. I might have to try this spicey stanza altercation once myself!! Thanks for the read,

~Sunny

[8] Ranger 29-Apr-06/4:10 AM Reply

Okay, I'm probably waaaay off the mark here but this actually made me think of beggars. 'In shambles', 'trundles', 'the attire is simple and worn', 'the line that I ended', '(k)nights quiver' (shivering under a blanket) all work in this way for me.
That having been said, it does carry a lot of archaic weight in the language which I like in poetry, and is spot on for the theme of nobility. The only word that didn't quite work was 'vainglory'. I know it's correct but I would personally have preferred it to be split to 'vain glory'. It would keep a certain ambiguity about it that way as well.
Overall, top drawer.