Replying to a comment on:

Throne (Free verse) by MacFrantic

In shambles, my award announced trundles down the embankment. She is resplendent and her shadow shines. All the swords of Avalon, heeding the forthcoming call, make way for the Queen. The attire is simple and worn. I step in shoes of vengeance and assume the line that I ended. To take the hand of a maid, in lieu of violence, is appealing to my vainglory. Her knights quiver in the hand of my false stead. If comfort and volition stay fast, of my jealous riot I shall lead all the land to richness and sway only for the Gods above.

Ranger 29-Apr-06/4:10 AM
Okay, I'm probably waaaay off the mark here but this actually made me think of beggars. 'In shambles', 'trundles', 'the attire is simple and worn', 'the line that I ended', '(k)nights quiver' (shivering under a blanket) all work in this way for me.
That having been said, it does carry a lot of archaic weight in the language which I like in poetry, and is spot on for the theme of nobility. The only word that didn't quite work was 'vainglory'. I know it's correct but I would personally have preferred it to be split to 'vain glory'. It would keep a certain ambiguity about it that way as well.
Overall, top drawer.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001