Re: Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	19-Aug-05/7:07 AM
WAY FAY, WAY STY, SAY AY I. As an acrostic it sounds kinda cool in a nonsense way. I know it's not intended but your Microsoft Word program put caps at the begining of all your lines. So at first I thought you might be doing some kind of acrostic poem. Nice, warm, religious. Kind of like a spiritual.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Aug-05/7:16 AM
You and Bobjim should get together and trade caps and lower-cases. There's a guy in Pittsburgh who walks the streets rummaging through trash cans and talks like that.
Re: The Giant Verse by drnick	19-Aug-05/7:30 AM
Loose "Beside a path of broken darts". It just sounds goofy. You have an engine that has some good parts but you need to assemble it better. Get your thoughts to connect with each other. Then rev that engine up. Last line should be "Rather HAVE left before he stayed."
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Aug-05/8:44 AM
A Bob Dylan "Subterrainian Homesick Blues" like rave? Yes. A prose poem? Not really. Unless your talking about the generic form of taking a verse or free verse poem and getting rid of the line breaks. i.e. Poetry that resembles prose. (Baudelaire rolls over) Prose poetry is a prose work that has poetic characteristics such as vivid imagery and concentrated expression. i.e. Prose that resembles poetry. Your work contains too many characteristics of verse poetry to comfortably consider it prose. With that said. Outside of the structure I found the poem to be very entertaining if not right up my alley as far as walking the line between free verse and formal verse.
Re: The Story of Our Lives by woodstock20000	19-Aug-05/8:51 AM
Death is a semi-colon hmmm... Makes sense. I always thought he did things half-assed
Re: Yellow Leather Innards by PsydewaysTears	19-Aug-05/9:08 AM
All that Yellow leather repetition dilutes the poem. Why not mix it up with some different color leather. Other wise the poem's got some great rhythm and some good rhyme. Besides. No one does yellow leather like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
Re: Little Orange Petal Flower by i_am_the_popsicle	19-Aug-05/9:41 AM
The poem sounds good and all but isn't the idea of a spirit that it doesn't die. That it just drifts off somewhere into eternity. Or did you mean spirit as in enthusiasm. Put Spirit in the place of all the little orange petal flower parts of the poem and you'll see the places where your spirit isn't like a little orange petal flower. Maintaining the metaphor is at the utmost importance in this poem for the point of the poem is the metaphor. Love the concrete like structural design of the poem.
Re: Playing The Vibes by impert&ent	19-Aug-05/10:20 AM
God I wish I had a yacht. Sounds so relaxing. Then again with my luck I'd get lost or die in a storm. I liked the poem once I figured it out. Another title that might have changed the poems direction: At the Center of the Tsunami. But that's just plain evil isn't it. I think you mean "Plain" not "plane in verse 1. Plain is on the sea-bed. Plane is something you do on the surface as in hydroplane.
Re: Playing The Vibes by impert&ent	19-Aug-05/10:26 AM
What do you mean by ropes "fuming?" around brass.
Re: Smells by the_poetess	19-Aug-05/10:32 AM
Kind of Martha Stewart meets Andy Rooney. But it has some good stuff too like the first verse.
Re: Chocolate Bunny by not_a_philosopher	19-Aug-05/10:38 AM
More like a fat nude black man and that white stuff coming out of his penis ain't piss my friend. Bon appétit.
Re: a killer world by AM I EVIL?	19-Aug-05/11:12 AM
The only thing more annoying than Billy Corgan is somebody quoting Billy Corgan. If you lose that line I'll move you up a notch. That'll put you at notch one. Sorry I've been waiting a long time to use that line on someone and I figured I couldn't make you any more depressed. I've been in that place before and the only advice I have is get tough and use capital letters when you start sentences.
Re: tanka(4) by shadows	20-Aug-05/10:07 AM
Your welca(1)
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Aug-05/11:17 AM
The first and second line are a little disconnected. Change "lands" to something like "events" and it will connect without the reader having to pause on the first read to figure out the setting. Plus "events" would allow you to keep the implied rhyme. By "masks" do you mean masquerade? If so spelling it "masque" would have made it easier to identify. I like the assonance of "song and calm" in stanza 2 and "calm and long" in stanza 3 and all the other places too. The last stanza has that E. A. Poe style line repetition so I'm guessing you read a lot of Poe too. 2 more lines and you got yourself a sonnet. You've pretty much nailed the traditional style. I only wish I had that much restraint.
Re: American Semele (Edit) by Sasha	21-Aug-05/11:37 AM
Doesn't sound american. More like Emily Bronte's great, great, great grand daughters response to something she saw on Oprah. But very well written in the aesthetic sense. In many ways I envy you.
Re: GIRL IN THE RED DRESS by prettyktm	21-Aug-05/12:02 PM
Did she tell him all these things before or after she tossed his salad? Kudos for making whore-sex so romantic. -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Aug-05/12:11 PM
You fucked up the "This old man" rhyme scheme. This makes you look uneducated even at the preschool level.
Re: No More Autumn Poems (Edit) by Sasha	22-Aug-05/12:06 AM
I agree with Zodiac the last two lines of verse 2 say pretty much the same thing as verse 1. Otherwise it's good.
Re: Pity Her by Dovina	23-Aug-05/1:26 AM
Don Quixote, The Thinker, Jacob and now her. It's nice to see depression not of the teenage variety.
Re: Leaving the Woods House by zodiac	23-Aug-05/2:11 AM
First I loved "fucked on the floor." (says it all) and the double meaning of "tenterhooks". Shouldn't it be "THE rabbit ears" unless you have more then one set. "into the dawning world" is the only somewhat cliche line in an otherwise clicheless poem. This poem reminds me of an even sadder moment in my life. I may just might write about it now. Thanks for inspiring me. -9-