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GIRL IN THE RED DRESS (Free verse) by prettyktm
Standing near a lampost Trying to look older The red lipstick Doesn't suit her Neither the green eyeshadow Her red dress got a cut Showing her skinny thighs There's dirt in her nails And dead in her eyes She whisper to me softly In her sing song voice 'Wanna have some fun, I charge 100 for a night' We settle in a cheap motel Sharing a bottle of rum She was too experienced And at sixteen A mother of a son Said,'things were better When she was at her place The last war rape her land And poverty did the rest' Her father was nailed Like the Lord Christ Her brother was burn Her sister raped Mother and poor Granny Buried alive She said'nothing changes in my old land Now they fight among themselves So many different clans' 'If I had to make a wish I would love to be the waves Crashing among the stones Still so free to come and to go' Six months later I was back from my duites Now I'm an officer Searching for the girl In the red dress But none turn out to be her A boy came running to me He had the same colour eyes Said'Mister,please give me some money My Mama died.'

Up the ladder: Rebecca, by Firelight
Down the ladder: A sponatious free write

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5920
Posted: August 21, 2005 12:18 AM PDT; Last modified: August 21, 2005 12:18 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Sasha @ 68.49.8.49 | 21-Aug-05/10:35 AM | Reply
Good job, feels like you could do more with expressive and novel language, but the poem did its job very well and there are some beautiful places.
[n/a] prettyktm @ 203.115.81.186 > Sasha | 22-Aug-05/11:27 PM | Reply
Thank you for your comment.
[10] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 21-Aug-05/12:02 PM | Reply
Did she tell him all these things before or after she tossed his salad?

Kudos for making whore-sex so romantic. -10-
[n/a] prettyktm @ 203.115.81.186 > ALChemy | 22-Aug-05/11:28 PM | Reply
Thanks for your comment.but I didn't find anything romantic about
it.
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