Re: Piercings by PsydewaysTears	14-Feb-05/3:34 PM
Forced rhymes: sneese-please, three-be
Re: Children in the Storm by thepinkbunnyofdoom	14-Feb-05/3:31 PM
Second to last verse is very nice. window sill Stop scaring me wherever
Re: Poem Written on a Ketchup Stained Paper Plate by woodstock20000	14-Feb-05/3:23 PM
Get a title and go with it - not bad.
Re: Insanity by Lifeboatman	14-Feb-05/3:21 PM
Funny!
Re: Valentine's Day is Two Days Away and I Don't Feel Loved by MacFrantic	14-Feb-05/3:17 PM
"Her charming come-hithers" is good. The rest so-so.
Re: a comment on The Man I Love by Dovina	14-Feb-05/3:11 PM
Thanks, jroday, for the “icing.”
Re: a comment on The Man I Love by Dovina	14-Feb-05/3:07 PM
Oh, but I do!
Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina	14-Feb-05/2:59 PM
Neither.
Re: Simple by wilco	13-Feb-05/8:32 PM
I'll drink to that.
Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	13-Feb-05/7:30 AM
Oh, what’s that thing from church…about “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?” Well, I feel rather sinned against, what with all the dyin’ and killin’ and nobody who could stop it, stoppin’ it. I’m Just tryin’ to forgive that person, that’s all. I don’t expect many folks to see it that way, especially those like you who don’t pay much attention to church. It’s just the way I feel about it. Of course there are those who think that because I feel a certain way about something that I’m being arrogant and abrasive as if I wanted everybody to think as I do. But I don’t because then they’d be as messed-up as I am, and besides, what fun is it to have everybody agree with me, nobody to argue with, nobody to tell me I’m arrogant, illogical and didactic? I got much love ya, too. Not because I agree with ya, or you with me very often though. And I like your 6 better than if it were a 10. It’s just because talkin’ works with some folks, and with others it’s a waste of time.
Re: Kiss of a rose by backstreetdreamer	12-Feb-05/8:06 AM
A lot of vague attempts at imagery here that are not developed. Some seem there only for rhyme and rhythm. The cadance is good, but I miss finding any strong point to it all.
Re: My Angel by jroday	12-Feb-05/7:59 AM
A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong. Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar. "shalt" should be "shall" after an I. "surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest "inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
Re: Frozen by Mona Lisa	11-Feb-05/3:38 PM
I didn't read it back in '03, but this edit is intense. I'd take the parens away from "mine" and the "a" from "ferocity," otherwise great.
Re: CUPID by al-naafiysh	11-Feb-05/3:12 PM
Aint nothin' so good as luve! A few too many words, I think. Here's what I'd do: Line 5 - scratch "One that has" Line 6 - scratch "being on" Line 8 - scatch "within" and change "cause" to "'cause"
Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	11-Feb-05/2:56 PM
Thanks jroday, you must have picked up on the “of” in the title, rather than the usual “for.”
Re: a comment on Wedding Poem by al-naafiysh	11-Feb-05/12:02 PM
Funny, how seeing it in stereo makes all the difference, like staring at two photos until your eyes finally look far enough into the distance to place them together, and the third dimension (the author) pops out.
Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	11-Feb-05/11:56 AM
I read your poem and left a comment. Frankly, I would not have known it was about God if you hadn't commented here as you did. Mine is, as you suspect, a conversation with God, or rather a prayer to God. It's low key in order to keep the tone of ordinary prayer, an understatemint.
Re: An intolerable rash brother by Crakyamuni	11-Feb-05/11:50 AM
Do you mean "Cortizone" the drug, which I might have misspelled? weeped should be "wept" in this context I think. The soul of satin, a female, who brought home the bacon causes wonderment on whether this is about Jesus, God, or your real brother. "We'll teach you to swallow" is good.
Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina	11-Feb-05/11:43 AM
Oh, it dawns on me. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina	10-Feb-05/4:59 PM
I'm not physically going anywhere, nor will I probably go anywhere in lifestyle. Sometimes it's good to just put a foot in and see how the water feels.