Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina	10-Feb-05/1:14 PM
Oh, I can fight! What, your father can't? Math teacher, huh?
Re: A Metahaiku by dbond	10-Feb-05/8:06 AM
What's kigo?
Re: Beating heart by celticskatermatt1	10-Feb-05/8:04 AM
Good up through line 3, except for spelling. After that it gets trite.
Re: The Sleep Fantastic by nentwined	10-Feb-05/7:56 AM
You're being imbic with a myth-like tale. But in a few places you sacrifice clarity for it. In Line 6, I thought "was" is distracting. And if being imbic is important, then why the lapse in Veres 3. Line 3? Like it.
Re: a comment on Suicide..... by *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.*	9-Feb-05/3:30 PM
I did, and you deleted it. That's no way to drum up business.
Re: Epitaph of Innocence by woodstock20000	9-Feb-05/2:11 PM
Nonsense! The world is not lost as you say. 0 for content, 5 for poetic form.
Re: Wedding Poem by al-naafiysh	9-Feb-05/2:01 PM
Why do you say, "My goal is . . ." in verse 4, giving a way out, when you don't in the others? "perfect union" is impossible and weakens the aparently possible committments. "them" in the last verse is a bit nebulous, and I wonder why you even include this verse.
Re: a comment on A Thing I Must Do by Dovina	9-Feb-05/7:59 AM
No!
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	9-Feb-05/7:57 AM
I made no Bible quotes, only allusions, thus they are not in quotes. You missed completely that this is a story, not a didactic presentation of grand statements. I accept criticism when it’s honest and apt, but this is neither.
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	8-Feb-05/6:28 PM
Yeah I think it takes that to really understand what I'm saying. But anyone could at least read the poem and take what he can from it. It's too bad that just because a person is from some other upringing, he takes it upon himself to downput everyone who had it poured into them from childhood and who know a lot of the Scripture from memory.
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	8-Feb-05/3:20 PM
Thank you for your prejudice. It’s so good to know forehand that anything I say about theology is worthless. You are so very encouraging. Therefore, my saying that the book of Revelation, speaking to the Leodiceans, says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spew you out of my mouth,” is misinformed. Also, the metaphor is utterly random and unrelated to the rest of the poem. And of course I am really too uninformed to decide about any hierarchy of religions. That’s why I didn’t claim any, and only your prejudice claims that I did. Again thank you for your wonderfully enlightening clarification.
Re: Family Portrait by woodstock20000	8-Feb-05/2:25 PM
Very clear and direct. A good picture. I would scratch the last two lines to give the reader more to ponder, less to be told.
Re: The Tree by Joe-joe	8-Feb-05/2:21 PM
This is your best by far! What's got into you?
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	8-Feb-05/11:53 AM
From someone with an Arab-sounding name, that means something.
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	8-Feb-05/11:50 AM
You are fortunate not to be steeped enough in the Christian sects to get this. Funny, there were no Christian sects when Christ was here, no Buddhist sects when Buddha was here.
Re: a comment on Separation by Dovina	8-Feb-05/11:50 AM
You know your Bible, as did the girl I’m writing about. The trouble started when she had only the Bible and the sermons without the caring that the Bible talks about.
Re: Winged Victory by REWellman	8-Feb-05/7:21 AM
From some story about an angel on a rock that I don't know. How we try to keep our stories in stone.
Re: Confusion by jroday	8-Feb-05/7:16 AM
Verse 4 is the way a lot of conversations go. Good description. There's no point in even talking when it goes like that. "Erects a sculpture from the brains of the lazy" is good too,
Re: Sins of your father by poodietat	7-Feb-05/1:45 PM
Almost too direct and pointed to be called a poem. Still, you got the point accross loudly. Not bad.
Re: Lust, and the Sad Soul by woodstock20000	7-Feb-05/1:31 PM
Verse 2 is good because it first presumes an imortal soul, then with the word "would" casts doubt. Verse 3 is weak, for the cliche "to and fro," and for its bland wording.