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Lust, and the Sad Soul (Free verse) by woodstock20000 Lust.
It seems that all the world's a lust.
"Oh, if it were not a mortal sin, to make one's Love a God and worship
it."
Woe to you, Giovanni.
For the body is lost, but the soul even more so.
It shudders in its own imortality.
For its weekness would last forever.
Does it not, as it wanders,
to and fro
along this God forsaken place?
Perhaps.
Up the ladder:
Keep on Going
Down the ladder:
A KISS TO BUILD A DREAM ON . . .
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.6666667
Posted: February 6, 2005 12:30 PM PST; Last modified: February 7, 2005 9:50 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.72186 Overall Rank: 11920 Comments:
Verse 2 is good because it first presumes an imortal soul, then with the word "would" casts doubt.
Verse 3 is weak, for the cliche "to and fro," and for its bland wording. 192 view(s)
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"wonders" should be "wanders". And you can't wander "along" a place. You can wander along a promenade, the bank of a winding creek, or nearly anything else commonly understood as having length. A "place" does not.
This is actualy the first poem I've ever realy written down. So keep the critiques coming people! I need as much help as I can get.
i can feel it ..............
i know what's behind these lines .. i know the images cant be words
if it can be ...it will be other side where i think worlds and worlds will be lost there ....