Lust, and the Sad Soul

by woodstock20000

Member since 2005 · Posted 6 Feb 2005 · Edited 7 Feb 2005 · 4 comments

Lust. It seems that all the world's a lust. "Oh, if it were not a mortal sin, to make one's Love a God and worship it." Woe to you, Giovanni. For the body is lost, but the soul even more so. It shudders in its own imortality. For its weekness would last forever. Does it not, as it wanders, to and fro along this God forsaken place? Perhaps.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 2.67 weighted 4.72 rank 11891 views 192 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

A random poem →

4 comments

[7] zodiac 7-Feb-05/12:43 AM Reply

You mean "It shudders in its own immortality." And "its" in the next line, too.

"wonders" should be "wanders". And you can't wander "along" a place. You can wander along a promenade, the bank of a winding creek, or nearly anything else commonly understood as having length. A "place" does not.

[n/a] woodstock20000 › zodiac 7-Feb-05/9:54 AM Reply

Thanks. I'm more of a visual artist, and english grammer tends to always have its way with me.

This is actualy the first poem I've ever realy written down. So keep the critiques coming people! I need as much help as I can get.

[n/a] Prince of Void › woodstock20000 7-Feb-05/11:24 AM Reply

your poem is interesting to me ..there is sadness in your poem
i can feel it ..............
i know what's behind these lines .. i know the images cant be words
if it can be ...it will be other side where i think worlds and worlds will be lost there ....

[8] Dovina 7-Feb-05/1:31 PM Reply

Verse 2 is good because it first presumes an imortal soul, then with the word "would" casts doubt.

Verse 3 is weak, for the cliche "to and fro," and for its bland wording.