Re: Twin Forks by auscot |
21-Dec-04/3:07 PM |
Your best so far. Quite good.
no comma after bring.
"No longer will I look, without regret," is a bit clunky.
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Re: Internet Inspiration (Dovina) revised by jroday |
21-Dec-04/3:08 PM |
Thank you for reposting this and for the kind sentiment.
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Re: Horror at the grotto by scitz |
21-Dec-04/4:14 PM |
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regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Dec-04/5:07 PM |
Good meter with a quiet feel.
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Re: I have Learned to Let Go by Joe-joe |
22-Dec-04/10:43 AM |
So your goodbye was not final.
We have two theories here on Poemranker:
1. Poets, who are dim, write nonsense.
2. Poets who are dim write nonsense.
I see -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. adheres to both.
Which do you prefer?
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Re: The Slave by Bhaskaryya |
22-Dec-04/10:47 AM |
Good.
Line 2 - "And rest"
Ling 3 - "descending."
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Re: Sidestepping Stupor by PsydewaysTears |
22-Dec-04/10:51 AM |
At least you're not assuming we know the setting this time. This is good. Verses 5,6 and 7 need some opening transition, I think.
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Re: Disable by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
22-Dec-04/5:14 PM |
Retibution is only exceeded in sweetness by ridicule.
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Re: Andrew part II by Spindle |
22-Dec-04/5:23 PM |
restrain->restraint
"love's soothing touch AND scalding strike" good line.
It did seem like killing myself the first time he did that. You're right, it's about virginity.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Dec-04/12:02 PM |
You prayed to nothing, and nothing, i.e., God, raped you?
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Re: there's no way out by oneglove |
23-Dec-04/1:15 PM |
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Re: Upon a Wooden Cross by wolfinaunicornsuit |
23-Dec-04/5:54 PM |
You've lost me here. Except for a few glimmers, I'm looking into darkness. What's going on?
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Re: Lies of Societyâs Guise by PsydewaysTears |
24-Dec-04/12:15 PM |
"Lies of Societyâs Guise" is redundant. Why not "Lies of Society."
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Re: Writer's Block by Bhaskaryya |
24-Dec-04/12:21 PM |
And thus you wrote this.
Try reading some of the ridiculous comments on Poemranker. They're inspiring!
"I can't catch a single one on paper"
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Re: AL-NAAFIYSH by blacksoul |
25-Dec-04/10:56 AM |
In putting a familiar saying with the name AL-NAAFIYSH, are you commenting on his life or his art? I don't know enough about him to say.
I could comment on the saying, but you're getting at something here that I don't understand.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Dec-04/2:22 PM |
While standing there nude, thinking about her with the hot shower running, the mirror fogged and the blade slipped â necro-fogslippage. Yes, nomenclature is everything.
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Re: Go by darylchew |
27-Dec-04/2:30 PM |
It's down rthe hall on the left, and if occupied, there's an oleandar bush just outside.
I do like the "halo beneath my feet."
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Re: Firedell by Spindle |
27-Dec-04/2:31 PM |
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Re: Transition by Miggy |
27-Dec-04/2:37 PM |
Better grammar would help I think, even for a song. This is not simply a matter of an old prude telling a young songwriter about grammatical orderliness, it is a matter of clarity.
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Re: Oh well, shit happens by sir_heff |
27-Dec-04/2:40 PM |
You still like "un-bias"????
It's worth more than 0, but give up on becoming her god of gods. I wouldn't wish that on any man.
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