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20 most recent comments by Dovina (1761-1780)

Re: Twin Forks by auscot 21-Dec-04/3:07 PM
Your best so far. Quite good.
no comma after bring.
"No longer will I look, without regret," is a bit clunky.
Re: Internet Inspiration (Dovina) revised by jroday 21-Dec-04/3:08 PM
Thank you for reposting this and for the kind sentiment.
Re: Horror at the grotto by scitz 21-Dec-04/4:14 PM
funny, sad
regarding some deleted poem... 21-Dec-04/5:07 PM
Good meter with a quiet feel.
Re: I have Learned to Let Go by Joe-joe 22-Dec-04/10:43 AM
So your goodbye was not final.
We have two theories here on Poemranker:
1. Poets, who are dim, write nonsense.
2. Poets who are dim write nonsense.
I see -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. adheres to both.
Which do you prefer?
Re: The Slave by Bhaskaryya 22-Dec-04/10:47 AM
Good.
Line 2 - "And rest"
Ling 3 - "descending."
Re: Sidestepping Stupor by PsydewaysTears 22-Dec-04/10:51 AM
At least you're not assuming we know the setting this time. This is good. Verses 5,6 and 7 need some opening transition, I think.
Re: Disable by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Dec-04/5:14 PM
Retibution is only exceeded in sweetness by ridicule.
Re: Andrew part II by Spindle 22-Dec-04/5:23 PM
restrain->restraint
"love's soothing touch AND scalding strike" good line.
It did seem like killing myself the first time he did that. You're right, it's about virginity.
regarding some deleted poem... 23-Dec-04/12:02 PM
You prayed to nothing, and nothing, i.e., God, raped you?
Re: there's no way out by oneglove 23-Dec-04/1:15 PM

More kind to whom?
Re: Upon a Wooden Cross by wolfinaunicornsuit 23-Dec-04/5:54 PM

You've lost me here. Except for a few glimmers, I'm looking into darkness. What's going on?
Re: Lies of Society’s Guise by PsydewaysTears 24-Dec-04/12:15 PM
"Lies of Society’s Guise" is redundant. Why not "Lies of Society."
Re: Writer's Block by Bhaskaryya 24-Dec-04/12:21 PM

And thus you wrote this.
Try reading some of the ridiculous comments on Poemranker. They're inspiring!
"I can't catch a single one on paper"
Re: AL-NAAFIYSH by blacksoul 25-Dec-04/10:56 AM
In putting a familiar saying with the name AL-NAAFIYSH, are you commenting on his life or his art? I don't know enough about him to say.

I could comment on the saying, but you're getting at something here that I don't understand.
regarding some deleted poem... 27-Dec-04/2:22 PM
While standing there nude, thinking about her with the hot shower running, the mirror fogged and the blade slipped – necro-fogslippage. Yes, nomenclature is everything.
Re: Go by darylchew 27-Dec-04/2:30 PM
It's down rthe hall on the left, and if occupied, there's an oleandar bush just outside.

I do like the "halo beneath my feet."
Re: Firedell by Spindle 27-Dec-04/2:31 PM
Pleasant dreams.
Re: Transition by Miggy 27-Dec-04/2:37 PM
Better grammar would help I think, even for a song. This is not simply a matter of an old prude telling a young songwriter about grammatical orderliness, it is a matter of clarity.
Re: Oh well, shit happens by sir_heff 27-Dec-04/2:40 PM
You still like "un-bias"????
It's worth more than 0, but give up on becoming her god of gods. I wouldn't wish that on any man.


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