Re: fumes by FreeFormFixation	4-Nov-05/11:22 AM
The three "my helpless"'s don't work very well.
Re: ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp	4-Nov-05/11:25 AM
Acrostic, not sestina.
Re: Lunch with the Beast by D. $ Fontera	4-Nov-05/4:31 PM
Hey, I'm waiting for him to knock on the door, a date tonight. This is just the frame of mind setter I need. Thanks.
Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	5-Nov-05/2:13 PM
Dear everyone who cares and doesn’t, Along the coast of LaLa Land, we sometimes watch sunset on Pacific Ocean’s horizon and a little later see coast-range peaks still glistening snow in post-sunset glow. Pelicans post themselves on posts in post-day and post wisdom like Post-It notes with cocked beaks — poor misdesigned birds. I wrote “calks,” a misspelling of “cocks,” in what Freud would have called “penis envy” which subconsciously prevented my using the loaded “cocks.” His theory supposedly explains the envy many women feel of men's status and career opportunities — as if such feelings required a theory, especially one with such a provocative and misleading name. It makes you think of those few women who want a penis so badly they'd consider surgery to obtain one. But penis envy was never meant that way by silly Freud. Anyway, I’ve changed it to “cocks” and wait patiently for interpretations. As for the off/on rhyming, well, I’m not as good as I once was. But once, I’m as good as I ever was, once upon a time — Wuntz. Now everybody sing along.
Re: Fading Memory by longships	6-Nov-05/5:05 PM
A somber tale, and if true, points to the death rate by car accident, 4%, compared to suicide, 1.4%, in the US. It's just that poetry seldom leads to car accidents.
Re: a casting is rescued by ay deee	7-Nov-05/12:45 PM
Would be stronger with a few words scratched - carbonless, "is" in the title, becoming, invincibility.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Nov-05/1:57 PM
What on Jupiter are you talking about?
Re: When Did You Walk Away? by TLRufener	7-Nov-05/2:05 PM
The question always has to be asked, when exactly did a separatiion of friends really happen? It's not when one of them walks away, but sometime before, maybe a long time before the other even suspected it. "When did you walk away?" is a good question.
Re: the band by celticskatermatt1	7-Nov-05/6:25 PM
I'd rather play my own tune, make it ryhm, tap its rythm, than to settle for the band. That would be real.
Re: The Other by Caducus	8-Nov-05/11:30 AM
The last verse is especially nice. Low skirt, at arms length, closer now. The tortise image is hard to imagine, but the rest of Verse 1 makes the scene clear. Verse 3 seems contorted as if Line 4 should be Line 2.
Re: Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa	8-Nov-05/2:30 PM
Why did he go into the bathroom grey? And why the British spelling of gray? Wasn't this in the morning? In evening he might be gray with dirt. "had heard" could be just heard.
Re: I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya	8-Nov-05/2:48 PM
Yeah, love the unlovable and thumb your nose at those who sneer. Then take her, as in the last line, and drive far away.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Nov-05/11:58 AM
What I wanna say is, for whatever reasons, NY is a good place to live if you want everything, and I mean everything, close at hand. And you don't even need a car to access any of it. I dunno why.
Re: phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya	10-Nov-05/12:10 PM
To pursue such a woman throughout life seems unimaginagle to me. The first verse works well. In the second, 'rain' seems a poor metaphor for a seasoned mate, and with your explanation, 'rain' seems inadequate a parallel for a thwarted love. The last verse, where leaves are memories, works well.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Nov-05/6:11 PM
"Bow to whom you worship, like grass to the sickle" - good. But most of this eludes me.
Re: The Hawk by Dovina	11-Nov-05/4:20 PM
Lots of hits, but no comments, the first time around. A few changes, and another try.
Re: Bread and blackthorns by Caducus	14-Nov-05/12:31 PM
A Right Brain cannot get this I know, but reading your poems quickens the synapses, releasing the fluids, like squeezing blood out of silicone. Never change your style, only grammar sometimes and maybe the occasional hint of logic.
Re: not to settle for less than almost obliteration by ay deee	14-Nov-05/12:45 PM
The last line seems anti-theme. Being consumed and pushing don't quite go together.
Re: Us Sinners by BrandonW	14-Nov-05/5:03 PM
Clever, really, the various ways it lands when spun.
Re: The Gate of Heaven by TLRufener	14-Nov-05/5:13 PM
You have expressed the Christian view of heaven where the goal is to get there. May I ask why so much more of the Bible is dedicated to glorifying God than to being glorified in heaven.