Free verse № 66440
Alone With Memories
Dad would drink tea from bone china,
And the pot had to be warmed,
He was a ritual obsessive.
Mum would routinely wake at six,
To set the table for half past.
Dad would limp to the bathroom
He went in grey
And came out shiny black.
I would stare at him shaving,
Listen to him humming
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
He would always kiss me,
One of those lingering pressed kinds of kisses,
That would make you curl and flounder.
After Dad had to leave,
The kisses would stop,
And a new man would hum,
And if I mentioned his name I would upset my Mum.
Three days before my graduation,
I had heard my Father had died,
He had not shaved for years,
And his eyes looked forlorn and tired,
But I made sure he was buried in polished shoes.
7 comments
I would change the title, though, to 'Went Out Shiny Black' or something. The poem is much more about him than you, and the title doesn't show it, I think.
Perhaps you need to write a separate poem about how this made you feel and name that poem 'Alone With Memories'.
And if I mentioned his name I would upset my Mum.
I thought that this meant your mom was cheating and she felt guilty if you talked of her lover who would show up after your dad went to work. But the end makes it sound like your dad left and was gone forever.
I think the pronoun usage in the lines above are confusing and I don't know who you are talking about. this coinfusion muddies up the meaning of your poem.
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
If you mentioned Dad's name or the new man's name you'd upset Mum? If you are talking about your dad, that doesn't really make sense to me, because you probably wouldn't refer to him by his name so much as say "Dad"... Besides those nitpicky things, I liked it.
"had heard" could be just heard.
If so, Bravo.
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