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not to settle for less than almost obliteration (Free verse) by ay deee i went a little too far yesterday
there was a fire
and
i let it burn
i wanted consumptive flames
but now i can't put it back together
without strong glue
this happens from time to time
the thrill
of pushing too hard
Up the ladder:
Poem Written on a Ketchup Stained Paper Plate
Down the ladder:
The Unforgiven II
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: November 12, 2005 2:56 PM PST; Last modified: November 12, 2005 2:56 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0896473 Overall Rank: 6235 Comments:
The last line seems anti-theme. Being consumed and pushing don't quite go together.
the thrill of pushing too hard being the theme, and letting something burn too long a specific instance of this.
I see how it could work that way. But consumptive flames set me thinking you were passivly enjoying the fire.
If you give the instance you should not have to state the theme, it should be obvious.
Pushing too hard is not the best word choice to describe letting a fire get out of control. Put 'it' back together; the only 'it' in this poem is the fire. Strong glue to fix something that is burnt is unapt. I like the rest of it though. It has a decent spine.
you might be right
not the best for some cases, but as a coach pushes an athelete to perform, i also pushed my technique too hard in this particular instance the 'it' of the second stanza refers to an object in the fire unapt? 174 view(s)
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that's pretty close, especially: materials, destructive
not speaking of tuberculosis
it is a great word, thank you