Above anything else what tells the reader that you are about 13 is the appalling spelling. This is nothing to do with the reader and I would have thought a simple spellcheck is within anyone's 'intellect'.

Why did I call you a teenager?
The average grown-up gives up on such pipe dreams as rock stardom and instead focuses on sounding smarter by learning multisyllable words and talking down to teenagers. We envy your innocence but alas at 17 it won't be long before you join the throng of us fuddy-duddies.

But really kid, you don't learn to skate by throwing yourself down the halfpipe and not expect to get hurt and ridiculed a little. Get yourself a collection of great poetry book or two and read it and study poetic methods (I mean without looking it up. What's an onomatopoeia or alliteration? You use a lot of one and in this poem maybe should use some of the other.) You'd be surprised how much of poetry is just a calculated trick.

Does this sound better to you?

In the music studio in my mind,
the window vibes to every beat
every rhyme and reason strung by bass
strumming, humming, buzzing in my teeth
lead guitar sings and wails and sails
I kiss the mic. A taste of metal and cocaine
Pyrotechnics blaze, my lungs bellow
hordes of chords into the sky
and from the crowd a thunder cloud
for the band, their hands give praise
We are gods of the stage
till I awake to the quiet rage of reality.

Just tricks of poetry. Rhyme, Metaphor, Symbolism, alliteration, etc.

Bye the way some of your poems are pretty good. I just wish you knew why.

You wanna know how we knew you were 13?

Cause you say stupid shit like "Im sorry If a person with a higher intelect, as yourself, can not accept a poem that tells a story".

What patent crap. Obviously his disliking you has nothing to do with whether your poem tells or story or not, or even whether or not it tells a story we understand. Besides, of course we understand. We've all been 13 once, while you haven't been 26 yet. I don't mean to be negative, just don't say stuff like that anymore. And go out and try to have some, you know, experiences and stuff.