Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 21:00:13 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

the band (Free verse) by celticskatermatt1

Singing the song in my head, listening to every beat every rythm, ryhm and reason the bass is playing in the back rythm guitar is strumming its melody lead guitar is rocking a single my lips are touching the mic belting out my notes, my lungs bellow the last note plays, look up to the sky and from the crowd we listen to their hands applouding the band, the fans jump and kick i step off the stage, wishing this was real.

ALChemy

8-Nov-05/1:01 AM

Why did I call you a teenager?
The average grown-up gives up on such pipe dreams as rock stardom and instead focuses on sounding smarter by learning multisyllable words and talking down to teenagers. We envy your innocence but alas at 17 it won't be long before you join the throng of us fuddy-duddies.

But really kid, you don't learn to skate by throwing yourself down the halfpipe and not expect to get hurt and ridiculed a little. Get yourself a collection of great poetry book or two and read it and study poetic methods (I mean without looking it up. What's an onomatopoeia or alliteration? You use a lot of one and in this poem maybe should use some of the other.) You'd be surprised how much of poetry is just a calculated trick.

Does this sound better to you?

In the music studio in my mind,
the window vibes to every beat
every rhyme and reason strung by bass
strumming, humming, buzzing in my teeth
lead guitar sings and wails and sails
I kiss the mic. A taste of metal and cocaine
Pyrotechnics blaze, my lungs bellow
hordes of chords into the sky
and from the crowd a thunder cloud
for the band, their hands give praise
We are gods of the stage
till I awake to the quiet rage of reality.

Just tricks of poetry. Rhyme, Metaphor, Symbolism, alliteration, etc.

Bye the way some of your poems are pretty good. I just wish you knew why.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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