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Bread and blackthorns (Free verse) by Caducus
Her feast on the shivering table sickened me, like swine on Moslem tongue. The dew of grief from sill of souls sickened me, like broken bread on Roman tongue. Imprisoned from my ribs my heart found love, It sickened me like Eve on Adams tongue. Slice the loaf for wine. Strip the stems of roses, crown me with its blackthorns and watch my scalp weep for my eyes shall not. I am not your sacrifice Just the worst kind of Martyr….. Unremembered. Alive. Yet dead to only you.

Up the ladder: A backsliders struggle

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5826
Posted: November 14, 2005 9:37 AM PST; Last modified: November 14, 2005 9:37 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 | 14-Nov-05/9:55 AM | Reply
"Imprisoned from my ribs"?

I'm sure you have an explanation why you used "from" rather than "in" or "by". I'll save you the trouble. It doesn't work.
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.212.241.153 > zodiac | 15-Nov-05/1:25 AM | Reply
I know I'm flawed I just do the best from what I got.
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Caducus | 15-Nov-05/2:12 AM | Reply
Har, har.
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 14-Nov-05/12:31 PM | Reply
A Right Brain cannot get this I know, but reading your poems quickens the synapses, releasing the fluids, like squeezing blood out of silicone. Never change your style, only grammar sometimes and maybe the occasional hint of logic.
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 15-Nov-05/12:40 AM | Reply
Yes, you would believe there are right-brains and left-brains and you're on the side of Good.
[8] Dovina @ 68.127.85.83 > zodiac | 18-Nov-05/6:38 AM | Reply
Of course.
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 18-Nov-05/8:59 AM | Reply
Do you remember a recent exchange about "labelling" or are you somehow unhinged?
[8] Dovina @ 69.225.179.162 > zodiac | 19-Nov-05/7:25 AM | Reply
To say Caducus is Right-brained is to say that he leans toward the artistic side of his brain, favoring it over the logical side. It's not the same as catagorizing to the extent of prejudice. We use labels all the time, it's part of language.
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 19-Nov-05/11:46 AM | Reply
I was referring to your comment "A Right Brain cannot get this I know", which is surely directed at me. You'll deny. I won't care.
[7] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 19-Nov-05/11:47 AM | Reply
- Oh, almost forgot your gift:

HISTORY
Jennifer Michael Hecht

Even Eve, the only soul in all of time
to never have to wait for love,
must have leaned some sleepless nights
alone against the garden wall
and wailed, cold, stupified, and wild
and wished to trade-in all of Eden
to have but been a child.

In fact I gather that is why she leapt and fell from grace,
that she might have a story of herself to tell
in some other place.
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