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phases of futility... (Free verse) by Bhaskaryya I am to you but...
Wind to the hill
every touch changes
course of my life
and yet moves you not
rain to the swan
a delicate fantasy
a seasoned mate
but too much is never enough
passing zephyr to the old oak
that stirs up the leaves
and after the momentary rustle
loses itself within
echoes of silence...
Up the ladder:
Acrostic Terza Rima
Down the ladder:
I love you
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: November 10, 2005 12:56 AM PST; Last modified: November 10, 2005 12:56 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6346 Comments:
First stanza is great. although the "..." may be over doing it a little. The other 2 stanzas aren't quite as good.
The '...' shows the story continues. It's a never ending cycle!
I meant in the first line.
To pursue such a woman throughout life seems unimaginagle to me. The first verse works well. In the second, 'rain' seems a poor metaphor for a seasoned mate, and with your explanation, 'rain' seems inadequate a parallel for a thwarted love. The last verse, where leaves are memories, works well.
If you used 'seasoned' as a synonym for 'seasonal' (not correctly, but in poetry it could work) don't you think it could well be a 'seasoned' mate? May be the two people met only once a year.
And 'seasoned' could mean 'evergreen' or 'experienced' too. May be he was (or could have been) a seasoned partner to her. Such a tale might seem unimaginable to many but it's not so. For some people their first love is the love of a life-time for them. May be a wastage, but that's how it is.
'Seasoned' as a poetic twist of 'seasonal' does not work for me because 'seasoned' has an established meaning; also it would be 'seasonaled.'
Actually, I know a woman who says she has only loved only one man, and he has never returned more than a hill returns to the wind.
Me? I prefer my women just lightly salted.
My appetite inclines towards 'strawberrish' or 'chocolatish'! (self-made words, mind you!)
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Last stanza drop stirs up the leaves (you dont need THE)
Otherwise quite solid.
Yes, if you look at the title, it opens the poem to a different level of interpretation and it has more beyond the surface.
The poem is about the three stanzas in the life of the man in question. The first is his youth where he loves this woman blindly and his love makes him pretty touchy and frgaile. But she's hard-hearted and remains unmoved by his affection.
Later, they develop a certain amount of friendship but it's still not enough to quench the thirst of the man. He offers her his friendship and love but it's still not enough for the woman to develop the long term relationship with him.
The third stanza looks more into the life of the woman. They are no longer together or even in touch. She too is now old as the oak and his memory passes by her sometimes and causes a momentary distress i her mind but even that passes of soon and she's back to her normal life.
Certain pahrases like 'seasoned mate' and 'too much is never enough' have deeper metaphors but then again, they are for the reader to figure out!
Thabks for reading!