Re: A Prayer For God's Soldiers As They Kill For Him by Edna Sweetlove	21-May-06/12:08 PM
I repeat: "Do you always delete comments before you reply to them?" If you want feedback here, get with the fricking program!!!
Re: Still Air Sticks by Sunny	21-May-06/12:15 PM
Well, this doesn't deserve a 1, even if does have some problems. I've voted higher that it deserves just to average out Edna, who hasn't a clue. I don't know how she bellowed from morrows, which are future days.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-May-06/10:50 AM
A good oblique description of what I've struggled to describe. Need a comma after "your lips brush" or some such grammetical fix. I'm not thrilled with "Sheer will of spirit" It sounds almost like faking it, which is not what you mean.
Re: Monsters by wilco	23-May-06/10:55 AM
I like this a lot, but think "monsters" is too strong a word to describe them. They're not that bad - just trying to get by.
Re: Witch hanging at Dunchurch by Mona Lisa	23-May-06/11:03 AM
An historical event like this requires, in my opinion, a longer development, prior to the punch line. A more flowing form might work better.
Re: Split Me by Sunny	23-May-06/11:06 AM
If this is about open-chest surgery, it's very dramatic. But I have a problem with the patient knowing what is taking place while under anaesthesia.
Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger	1-Jun-06/7:36 AM
Welcome back. You didn't miss much. Have you been in school or some whorehouse in Mexico? Sorry, had to ask after reading the Latin soulish tone of this. Are red lights still used to show she's open for business? That was my first impression, but you've left a Heisenberg uncertainty that could kill a cat. Maybe you mean "June" not "lune." "Your heritage upon my fingertips" good line.
Re: Whispers to Isabelle by Caducus	1-Jun-06/7:40 AM
This looking back and seeing him in every reflection and distorted mirror image has got to stop. You're no help with that. Good poem.
Re: Blessings by amanda_dcosta	15-Jun-06/7:53 PM
It's an uplifting verse for church and friendly settings like greeting cards. As such, the rhythm and rhyme should be consistent, which they mostly are.
Re: Ice by MacFrantic	16-Jun-06/7:35 AM
I like this and relate to it, but can't say why. "Spending your luck" as is yours is mine to spend - alright, thought provoking. And to remember winter while pondering it in November is long-range thinking. And obstacles as "growing holes in my frozen face" - yep, I get that.
Re: The Last of The Winds by emilyowey	16-Jun-06/7:39 AM
You've got a great idea here. I'll say what they often say to me. Make it more poetic! Take these thoughts and form the words into pleasing and provocative lines.
Re: Lovers east of the Coombe by Caducus	27-Jun-06/4:45 PM
Could call it a limerick, except that most of those are light, insulting, or funny. This isn't. The blooming bough from Autumn's tomb escapes me; and how is a bough blown away except in strong wind. Maybe the crabtree of verse 3 could work in here. But is that a Crab tree? You bring the Autumn back, why not the tree? The last two lines are great.
Re: Memories of modernism by madamefrufru	27-Jun-06/5:54 PM
Leaving me wondering whether it's a painting or a crash is this poem's greatest value. It leans toward a painting, but leaves just enough holes in that view to make me ask whether you are understating something more. I'd like to see it lean the other way.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Jun-06/11:15 AM
Then take your life elsewhere!
Re: COCK by Stephen Robins	29-Jun-06/11:18 AM
You withered old has-been inadequate die-hard.
Re: How to Bleed by MacFrantic	30-Jun-06/6:36 AM
This starts out really great, like a poem that would move me. But when I get to "But never stray, Never bleed alone," the magic stops. How do you not bleed alone unless your cuts are intentional and in company of someone? The last three lines are good. Put something catchy between the good start and the good ending and this could be really good.
Re: Aristocrats(Madlib for all those shock poets) by ALChemy	30-Jun-06/3:59 PM
The most vile and disgusting act ever thought up by man or woman would be (let me think) whiffing that foul bag of rotten air, Stephen Robins, from closer than a mile. But I don’t see how vile and disgusting acts relate to this story. Many interpretations are possible, but I find this one especially appealing: A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned." The man says, "But, this is really special." The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?" He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I massage her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my daughters come out and begin to do the same, but my son's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my daughter performs physical therapy on her." The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man ontinues, "Just when my wife hits the highest note in the song, my children and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a pat before having her perform armless and legless hugs on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage." The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to massage each one of us to relaxation in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow." He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?" The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?" "The Aristocrats!" The man replies.
Re: Goliath by amanda_dcosta	2-Jul-06/2:53 PM
The beginning promises some fierce, ugly obstacle to which a well-aimed stone is fatal. But to compare the blithe thing, laziness, to Goliath--well, I think a giant slug would fit better. Still, the very unexpected turn has appeal. And being unbelievable is a trait of non-fiction.
Re: Poor Old Joe by Jigg	2-Jul-06/6:00 PM
Brief and poignant. Not bad.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-06/6:07 PM
Funny. The self-berating narrator calls himself a "good poet" in the title, assuming he's a chain smoker. Well, what else matters. Light up. I like the style.