regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-06/6:15 PM
You're a good story-teller. I'd get rid of the "eyes wide shut" though, because it's overused. I think the story needs resolution - some ending that deals with the conflict between the two attitudes.
Re: Higher education by ecargo	2-Jul-06/7:13 PM
The understated last verse leaves us wondering, imagining, as a poem usually should. The "I suppose" line could be read as the end of Verse 2 or as the start of Verse 3, or both - a nice touch.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	3-Jul-06/8:49 AM
An old-time poem in a modern cage. Really nice.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	3-Jul-06/7:20 PM
I’m trying to remember the history. Without looking it up, I think this is Normande a few months after D-Day. The beach was secure and the Allies were moving toward Berlin. I kinda wish you gave the setting for us dummies. Some good language here, but I think “who’d” is no better than a simple “who.” “whittling of wind” is nice, but “remaining only” seems odd and not quite true. I don’t quite get how birds struggle for purchase, unless they are fighting to get the ring. No doubt there’s a true story behind this.
Re: The Angle of your Downfall by MacFrantic	4-Jul-06/1:34 PM
I don’t know who this is about, but it sounds like one of the fallen TV preachers. You’ve made a good comparison to Icarus from Crete who flew by constructing wings made from feathers and wax. He was warned not to fly too low, lest his wings touch the waves and get wet, or too high, lest the sun melt the wax. But the young Icarus, overwhelmed by the thrill of flying, did not heed the warning, and flew too close to the sun whereupon the wax in his wings melted and he fell into the sea. The angle of YOUR downfall
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jul-06/1:48 PM
Some good lines here: another turn of the crank wind gently nudges the leaves to casual conversation Somehow the argument/appology syndrone is foreign to me. I either settle with a person, or leave them. Maybe you are such a congenial man that she twists you hawever she wants. A good read
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	5-Jul-06/10:30 AM
Not knowing any Welsh, this is a lot of trouble to go through. Why not just use the English translations? The last verse is very nice.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	5-Jul-06/10:32 AM
On first read, this is good. I don't have time now, but will get back
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	6-Jul-06/2:59 PM
I can only guess what this is about, but it doesn't matter. The language is beautiful. The Biblical reference, pulled into modern time, skirts about the expected pact between Sarah and Hagar, and brings in Jacob who really came later. So I really don't feel that connection. But the phrasing is so good that I don't care.
Re: Astronomy and Pharmaceuticals by wilco	6-Jul-06/3:12 PM
I don't like the opening, "And so." Maybe it sounds right when sung, but it's off-putting in print. Also the mis-grammar, "your eyes reflecting chemicals" may work better in song, than poem. Try the title, "Astonomy and Pharmacy," working off the near-rhyme in Verse 2. After the bridge, it seems to change track, again something that may work well in song, and not so well in a poem.
Re: Devil's Deal by kaoriliveshere	6-Jul-06/4:56 PM
I agree with Zoe. This would go over better with constant rhythm and possibly rhyme. Also, the grammar is wrong in some places. It's the kind of theme that needs a haunting rhythm.
Re: PHOTO by madamefrufru	6-Jul-06/5:46 PM
I find this very descriptive and the way of photos. The cold line of phosphorus dates the photograph if you mean those old phosphorus flashes. The fading picture is broken, bitten, boiled - how so? and the last word, "soiled" implies something will soil the picture, but what? I find that those old photos last very long if kept out of sunlight. "I hold a sliver of her soul, Which slowly does decay" - good line.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-06/5:49 PM
It falls a bit flat for lack of substance beyond color.
Re: Through a childs eyes by little_angel_maria	7-Jul-06/8:21 AM
A good story, but saying "this poor girl" is overkill. Leave a few things for the reader to figure out and he'll be more impressed and less insulted. This could be shortened and made rhythmic to better effect. Still, it's good material and worthy of work.
Re: Joshua And Ruth by amanda_dcosta	7-Jul-06/8:23 PM
I'm not sure why you call it Joshua and Ruth, unless they, too, had feelings like these. Probably they did. Anyway, it's these kinds of things that make the "hell," as you put it, worthwhile. But I think "hell" is too strong a word for the minor unhappinesses here.
Re: An Affair with Letters by MacFrantic	8-Jul-06/3:30 PM
What could you possibly mean by "The Lord's untimely sinning" besides something to rhyme with thinning and winning and starting with W? What point is there here?
Re: Jackdaw by Zoe	10-Jul-06/6:16 AM
I had to chuckle at these descriptions of the makup I use, though in recent years its the trend for older women to use much less than they used to. Still, his image of her with crevaces filled and eyelids shelled is quite nice. Put a space after the colon. And I can't quite picture "rose lips of milk wash."
Re: of Arabia by ecargo	10-Jul-06/10:56 AM
The opening scene is movie-like and vivid, a desert setting with golden hills of sand, and a daughter I'm ready to read more about (Part I). Then, the Lawrence-of-Arabia country becomes another place, which I would not have got from the poem alone. Still, there are doubtless daughters there who hold these thoughts. Nicely said.
Re: Jennifer Logan by rahson_s	10-Jul-06/11:06 AM
You've got a touching story here and some good finished lines - "God listens to rumors, pillow talk and whispers" for example. As it stands, though, it's more of a story or prose poem than a free verse poem. That's ok and may suit your style better. To make it more poem-like, go for brevity and haunting truth couched in flowing words.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jul-06/1:29 PM
An appealing idea, but I think it could be better without the sound of bitterness. It has a didactic tone that tries to push the reader into a certain position. Why 33 coins, rather than the original 30?