Re: Penumbra by klosterfobik	24-Aug-04/5:39 PM
Even the doorknob becomes grief when grief is there. "The stoic moon shares it's lonely glow as if it knows."
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Aug-04/5:42 PM
First verse is great. The rest needs direction.
Re: Rapid Eye Movement by wilco	24-Aug-04/7:12 PM
Eyes moving about while the lids are closed. She's upset. I hate those kinda nights. Good poem.
Re: Smoking Skies by Enchantres	25-Aug-04/5:19 PM
Leave out "most" in "most purest." "Taking me away from me" is good, minus the comma. Pretty good overall.
Re: It's really hard to know what to speak to him. by fevriere	25-Aug-04/5:23 PM
"Pluck at me, guitar-boy-fingers," good line. Sing to me, love it.
Re: Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline) by DreamerSupreme	25-Aug-04/5:29 PM
Dream it all out in super anger my friend. My we never whine with retarded emotional bagage, it always makes men mad amd us sad. Here's to calling each other names and writing rank poems and making up. Cheers.
Re: The Time is my enemy by Prince of Void	26-Aug-04/11:54 AM
You seem walking in circles within a supposed enemy which is simply the way of things.
Re: The Distance Fighter by shit	26-Aug-04/12:02 PM
Please ignore zodiac. You have some errors, but punctuation would cure a lot of them. You have something to say here, but it's too verbose and not well organized. Don't give up.
Re: Mr. Stryker, Do You Really Want Some Kind of War? by cat	26-Aug-04/12:17 PM
Upon reconsideration, I think this is the sort of poem that if read aloud by a spirited personality would carry an amusing and important message. Some poems are just made to be performed and some poets write for the stage. Cheers.
Re: faces unknown by daggatolar	26-Aug-04/1:17 PM
I'm staring at stars and stairing up to pluck them, a pretty sight in my blindness. But my heart is healed by a hill on the land, so all is cool. ????
Re: solitude by darylchew	27-Aug-04/9:55 AM
Poems about suicide either relieve the tendency or increase it. Some of them make suicide look ordinary and alright, an individual choice, and not unkind. Some folks may vote you down because you have said nothing about a rather permanent decision and all that it ignores. I am one of them.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Aug-04/9:59 AM
"I did it offensively, so that I would not have to do it defensively." "I was a fool." Are you taking lessons from Bush in Iraq?
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Aug-04/10:09 AM
A pleasing flow of jumble. Maybe not a "saleable output" but "one nugget of clarity": "irony being the description of that which is iron."
Re: NO TIME!! by Brandy_n_Cali	28-Aug-04/1:46 PM
I read this yesterday and did not comment because I did not understand what you are saying. Perhaps you are holding a criminal who will soon be executed. Perhaps the person is terminally ill. Something is urgent in time, but what?
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Aug-04/2:01 PM
Did you get these last two right? If I were your shrink, I would first laugh at the humor in this and wonder if it’s a joke. Then I would wonder why you knew these were mistakes only after doing them. And then the next logical question, “Will he think the last two are also mistakes after he pays for the beer his friend offered to pay for and believed her when she implied he wrote a poem on toilet paper and wiped with her poem.
Re: 32 Truths and 1 Lie by wilco	28-Aug-04/2:08 PM
From my POV there are less than 32 truths here and more than one lie. Still, it's a nice collection of sayings and could-be-trues.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Aug-04/2:17 PM
I love the idea of being camels, ready with water for the long haul. It's less clear how (this) is a combination lock. "The rock sits still and quiet letting the rain erode, both becoming mud." is a great line.
Re: abortion by darylchew	28-Aug-04/2:20 PM
Sounds like an angry prayer. How is your death avenged?
Re: Andrew by Spindle	29-Aug-04/9:04 AM
Too much cliche.
Re: Delicate Was by klosterfobik	29-Aug-04/9:08 AM
Very nice. The last line seems redundent or not needed.