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Delicate Was (Free verse) by klosterfobik Just when my unmeant imagination thought it safe,
just when I thought I'd learned -
to forget to remember
the suntanned symmetry of you;
I happened upon a tragical trace
of a scent of past perfume -
a sickening sweet, redolent relic,
of almost - always past,
left upon a pillow
on the unmade bed where once we laid
and dreamt and shuddered.
Just that one slippery, apple-green breath
of delicate was
stole truth from time and past from fate.
So long it seems - an age ago,
maybe even longer,
so hard to tell these days -
harder still to tell these days from dreams -
dreams of together - perfect and peculiar us.
Up the ladder:
and the professor, too
Down the ladder:
All because of you
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.857143
Posted: August 28, 2004 9:05 PM PDT; Last modified: September 7, 2004 6:42 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.1645045 Overall Rank: 13268 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 24.52.157.176
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29-Aug-04/9:08 AM
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Reply
Very nice. The last line seems redundent or not needed.
I see you changed the ending, and the rest seems all different too. "perfect and peculiar us" is very nice.
Thanks.
I once buggered an otter named Luke.
I'm confused about how you intended for the phrase "of delicate was" to be grammatical and relevant, instead of just being a cutesy Ben Harper-ish affectation. Would you mind explaining it to me? Thanks,
The Islam Society for Grammar Detention
Delicate was refers to a fleeting - fragile memory left behind by a girl in the form of a sweet odor,its delicate because if you tamper with it it will go away.Do you not even appriciate the
the scents of the women you've had?Like their perfume,lotion or shampoo?Sorry if its "cutesy".And as for affection your correct,as for Ben Harper-ish your very wrong.
Do you mean for "was" to be a noun?
I know its an adverb but I just thought I'd try it as a noun,like daybreak,red-letter day,bygone or past...
seems more dramatic this way?Or not?
Was isn't an adverb. It's a linking verb.
Your examples are not grammatically similar to "delicate was".
How about slippery past - or vitreous gone by?
Linking means to adjoin,add,couple,fit together...so how is it not an "adverb"?
Zodiac is such a fraud!!!!!
Hey, congratulations on replying to your own comment, and in an extraordinary dim fashion matched only by the dimness of your original comment. Let's leave it at this, klosterfobik: If was was an adverb, it would still be improperly used, since a) an adjective (like "delicate") can't modify an adverb, b) you're using it as a noun, and c) IT'S NOT AN ADVERB, dumbass, it's a linking verb (i.e., a form of 'to be'). Dim, dim, dim
No offense there, Zodie,but I think Kloster is quite correct.Delicate can modify "was",because "was" is meant to be a memory - which can be delicate.
Yes, but then he's using 'was' as a noun. Which he denies. Which is the whole motherfucking point. There is nothing wrong with using 'was' as a noun for poetic effect - e e bummings does stuff like that in some of his poemes (e.g 'anyone lived in a pretty how town'). But to use 'was' as a noun whilst thinking you're using it as an adverb is obviously bosh.
yourself
myself?
Plumber
A chinese cookie stuffed with shit peanuts.
A squid sticking out of your obese wife's ass, begging for sperm whale.
Jeremy loves it that way.
Squids and all!
i had intended to rank this poem on its merits, but then I read the comments. adverb indeed. -0-
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