Re: Mushroom Potion #9 by <{Baba^Yaga}>	2-Aug-04/12:25 PM
One of the better synopses of a mushroom trip that I've seen. Agreed about the last stanza though. Maybe a little too conversational to blend with the rest of the work. You do have some good imagery there, and it would be a shame to waste it, so maybe just try and incorporate it with the rhythm of previous stanzas.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Aug-04/12:32 PM
I like the subject (what would Mona Lisa think about her centuries of fame and the insane crowds that flock to see her in Paris). It seems very lyrical to me, and I can't help feeling that this distracts the reader from the subject and makes it a little too light-hearted for its own good. Love that last line though.
Re: As the people become more hollow by Prince of Void	2-Aug-04/4:44 PM
The poem makes you (the writer) come off as arrogant. I like the image of the tiny ray keeping away the darkness, but "Led me find myself" doesn't really work grammatically and sounds awkward when spoken. You may want to either change it to "Led me to find myself" or "Let me find myself." It just depends on what you want to project.
Re: May Monday Explanation by MacFrantic	2-Aug-04/4:49 PM
Love it! Especially the use of sequential numbers as an introduction. Concise, abrupt and blount, but I still have that clear image of a tired commuter waiting for a train. What is the commute good for if not to let us dwell on our own depression? Only small critique is that "But in of itself" is a little confusing. Still though, great.
Re: Summer crush by sk8rs_rule_all	3-Aug-04/10:10 AM
The juvenile innocence conveyed by the writing is definitely cute and amplifies the subject matter. The blaring spelling errors though are just a little too much to give it that Toys r' Us backwards R quality which may have made it too juvenile anyway.
Re: Missing Grand Miss. by timtonio	6-Aug-04/12:04 PM
Something about this just reminds of a Doobie Brothers' song (I think it's obvious which one). I love the subject and the language, but the 3rd staza seems out of place amongst those same elements.
Re: Two Mirrors by Dovina	9-Aug-04/7:23 PM
Bitter resignment. I only take slight issue with the isolation/cages metaphor. It's a little too overused. Thought about starting a new stanza at "familiar smells"?
Re: OLD AGE BLUES by massangel62	9-Aug-04/8:02 PM
"being ate"? You push those verb conjugations far enough and they'll scream at ya. Rambling, and the ending is just plain cheesy. Plus, the rhyming is so rigid that there's no room for the rhythm to get off, but it still does. Sorry.
Re: A Rally by hobojo	10-Aug-04/12:04 PM
Aye, good cleaning up. Also, I have a problem with "I sat in a cloud." With all of the Western imagery associated with clouds, it's difficult to put yourself in (or on) one and still have the reader believe that you are lonesome and/or depressed. Think of Zeuss, angels, and of course, Mick Jagger!
Re: One dot.And the rest is our lives by Prince of Void	10-Aug-04/12:35 PM
More visual art than poetry, especially when taken in a poetic context, but powerful nonetheless.
Re: A beautiful moment by freelancejoker	10-Aug-04/2:06 PM
Easy for most nature lovers to identify with, and your use of repetitions is well-received, at least by me. Looks like a lot of effort and appreciation went into this. Have to knock you for giving your own poem a 10 though (remember, your IP is always logged whether logged in or not). Well done though.
Re: The Sky and the Pond by somemorepoetry	10-Aug-04/9:36 PM
This is very well-written. I'm always drawn to these poems which seem to expand the reflection of a single moment and tell a story of feelings instead of events. I especially like this because it really made no sense to me until I read into the things that seemed out of place. I feel that the introduction of the characters is a little too strong since the conclusion doesn't really wrap up their stories.
Re: Corner of 30th and Tibbs by klosterfobik	11-Aug-04/8:17 PM
I really don't understand a lot of the language in this. What is/are "the recent new of guiltless lovers?"
Re: The Hundredth End by versus_u	11-Aug-04/8:22 PM
I like a few individual lines in this, especially "To steal dots and mimic lines." I assume "down under" refers to "inside," but I can't help seeing it as a sexual reference in this context.
Re: farmer's market by fair12	12-Aug-04/9:04 AM
I love your use of color. "burry (sic) itself beneath copper blankets" is a great line. The only issue I have is with the thought of the fourth stanza continuing into the fifth so fluidly since no other stanzas do this.
Re: chris (not finished yet) by eliznhaz	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Is "without out" in the first line a typo? You may want to considering adding line breaks, especially where things rhyme like at "me" and at "day." There needs to be some sort of punctuation between "around you" and "I got out."
Re: Ooooo..that smell by windyone	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Is this an addition to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song?
Re: On the Bank of Lake Michigan by jessicazee	12-May-05/8:49 AM
good imagery
Re: The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos	12-May-05/8:51 AM
*belief instead of believe Comes off as somewhat pretentious, and loses its focus somewhat in the third part (after "because they are the same").
Re: Summer Song by wilco	2-Sep-05/3:04 PM
This is really good. I don't mean to make assumptions on your influences, but this does actually sound like a lot of Wilco lyrics.