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A Rally

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Aug 2004 · Edited 9 Aug 2004 · 4 comments

I sat in a crowd, all alone I sat in a cloud and looked down on his throne The people, they roared applause all around I made the motions empty hearted no doubt Why must I continue to believe I'm alone lacking the courage to seek others out Surely they're shared the beliefs which I hold I can't be the only bulging out of this mold

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4 comments

[8] Dovina 10-Aug-04/11:28 AM Reply

"looked down on his throne" is thrown from the middle ages and a great line. "Surely they're shared" is not, try they've. Overall, an inspiring thought.

[7] unknown^user 10-Aug-04/12:04 PM Reply

Aye, good cleaning up.
Also, I have a problem with "I sat in a cloud." With all of the Western imagery associated with clouds, it's difficult to put yourself in (or on) one and still have the reader believe that you are lonesome and/or depressed. Think of Zeuss, angels, and of course, Mick Jagger!

[n/a] zodiac › unknown^user 11-Aug-04/7:03 AM Reply

Do you mean Dr. Zeuss?

[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos 11-Aug-04/9:09 PM Reply

Mold bulging, is a clap full of cheer