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A Rally (Free verse) by hobojo I sat in a crowd, all alone
I sat in a cloud
and looked down on his throne
The people, they roared
applause all around
I made the motions
empty hearted no doubt
Why must I continue
to believe I'm alone
lacking the courage to seek others out
Surely they're shared
the beliefs which I hold
I can't be the only
bulging out of this mold
Up the ladder:
You Had To Go
Down the ladder:
Dale
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: August 9, 2004 7:13 PM PDT; Last modified: August 9, 2004 8:29 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.4482355 Overall Rank: 2938 Comments:
[8]
Dovina @ 24.52.157.176
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10-Aug-04/11:28 AM
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Reply
"looked down on his throne" is thrown from the middle ages and a great line. "Surely they're shared" is not, try they've. Overall, an inspiring thought.
Aye, good cleaning up.
Also, I have a problem with "I sat in a cloud." With all of the Western imagery associated with clouds, it's difficult to put yourself in (or on) one and still have the reader believe that you are lonesome and/or depressed. Think of Zeuss, angels, and of course, Mick Jagger!
Do you mean Dr. Zeuss?
Mold bulging, is a clap full of cheer
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