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Godproof Hat (Limerick) by Dovina Oh, for a hand on my cranial hair
In place of godâs that isnât there
To protect from theistic wrath and such
Provide a gentle protective touch
Perhaps a godlike Buddhistic affair
I used to think God was very large cat
With teeth in my neck like I were a rat
Then he kicked me outside
Where I hollered and cried
Now I wear a cat-skin hat
Up the ladder:
I read your diary
Down the ladder:
Between two Truths
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: May 21, 2006 12:22 PM PDT; Last modified: May 21, 2006 12:22 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.4482355 Overall Rank: 2943 Comments:
I wish I had a God-proof hat. I always feel like He's watching me. Nice limerick.
On an unrelated topic, I'm ure glad I came back in time to see the return of Rockmage.
The last stanza reminds me of the closing animation of every Flintstone episode.
The last stanza reminds me of a conversation between a forest ranger, a maker of gold, and a love-torn woman seeking shelter from the ravages of persistant atheism fighting in some netherworld against the forces of an almighty.
Somewhere in that old endless stretch of comments is a Flintstones reference (To God'swife I think) that I thought was quite clever and apperently no one else did.
Um, sorry, but this ain't a limerick. At least, the first stanza isn't. Alhough the rhyming scheme matches (aabba), limericks have very well-defined meter (three stressed syllables in lines 1,2,5 and two in lines 3,4) and this doesn't really fit the bill. Because of the differences in meter (and language, too, come to think of it), the second stanza appears quite unrelated to the first.
Having said that, it's a funny, amusing piece of work... I especially liked the first stanza.
Dovina, Frankly, this reminds me to a similar piece posted on poemranker before. I don't know if it's yours or if its an edit of a previous piece, but it looks too familiar. It has an amusing tone to it, but not too impressive.
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I loved the second stanza due to your raw imagery, but I have to say (and I am fully aware you are you might very well be more wise than I in this poetic world, but...) I don't think this well done poem should be composed as a limerick. Free verse. Limericks are for the jolly's. That is not the tone I got from this, just my opinion.
Overall, very impressive. Powerful.
~Sunny