As the people become more hollow

Member since 2002 · Posted 2 Aug 2004 · 1 comment

It took years I became a mystic In the world There is no believer They are just consumers Within the chaos They live and die Led me find myself as the tiny ray Trying to keep the decaying day away As the people become more hollow

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1 comment

[6] unknown^user 2-Aug-04/4:44 PM Reply

The poem makes you (the writer) come off as arrogant. I like the image of the tiny ray keeping away the darkness, but "Led me find myself" doesn't really work grammatically and sounds awkward when spoken. You may want to either change it to "Led me to find myself" or "Let me find myself." It just depends on what you want to project.