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Slipping Outside (for a minute) (Free verse) by drnick
Before we get too high
Before we get too high
Before rippling water covers our eyes
And after the dope-soaked cries
We should learn to breathe first
-carefully plan our trip below-
Twist and feel our way in
enter like a stiff rope.
Night light hums above
with silent dance and motion.
Falling with the devastation
of a snowflake on the ocean.
A dream-sequence, retracting lights
indicates we're closing scene
-I tend to prefer the dark
for it always hides the obscene.
Kiss the air out from our lungs
(there's no need to try).
Lay back and relax, my friend,
soon we'll slip outside.
Just before we get high
Right before we get high
Before the rippling water covers our eyes
And after the dope-soaked cries.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7839
Posted: July 26, 2006 8:15 PM PDT; Last modified: July 26, 2006 8:15 PM PDT
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Comments:
186 view(s)
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of a snowflake on the ocean." is a good line, but it's not a sentence, and I don't see how it ties in. And the "sentence" above it needs a comma or something, unless my highness equals yours.