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OLD AGE BLUES (Free verse) by massangel62 today you turned 40
39 left yesterday
soon will come the wrinkles
your hair will start to gray
your skin will turn flabby
then you start to shrink
you'll study yourself in the mirror
and then you begin to think
you try to remember yesterday
and when you looked real great
but how can you remember
when your brain is being ate
by old age creeping up on you
on your body and your mind
your bones are turning brittle
and your eyes no longer shine
but there's two things that won't go away
if you fight those old age blues
it's the smile you give so kindly
and your friends who do like you.
Up the ladder:
Whalecrack
Down the ladder:
I don't wanna be me
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.5
Posted: August 9, 2004 5:06 PM PDT; Last modified: August 9, 2004 5:06 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.7019925 Overall Rank: 12009 Comments:
Let's hope there's more to old age than a kindly smile given to friends who's minds are as far gone as yours. Use it or lose it, like having the presence of mind to put your comment to somebody's comment right under their comment. By the way, your poem starts off well enough, I just think the ending could be a lot better.
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Rambling, and the ending is just plain cheesy. Plus, the rhyming is so rigid that there's no room for the rhythm to get off, but it still does.
Sorry.