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chris (not finished yet) (Free verse) by eliznhaz
I can't sleep without out the thoughts of you invade my dreams. You are so beautiful to me, when I open my eyes you are all I see. Your blue eyes they haunt each moment of my day. I would give anything for the feeling I have for you to just go away, for I know you don't feel the same for me. The things I'd do just to be around you I go out of my way each and everyday just to see your face, to see that smile you always give me. this poem is not done it needs to be fixed bad

Up the ladder: The Distance Fighter
Down the ladder: Whalecrack

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Arithmetic Mean: 2.5
Weighted score: 4.7019925
Overall Rank: 12007
Posted: May 3, 2005 2:29 PM PDT; Last modified: May 5, 2005 8:12 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] unknown^user @ 128.196.6.126 | 3-May-05/2:29 PM | Reply
Is "without out" in the first line a typo?
You may want to considering adding line breaks, especially where things rhyme like at "me" and at "day."
There needs to be some sort of punctuation between "around you" and "I got out."
[n/a] eliznhaz @ 65.246.232.101 > unknown^user | 3-May-05/2:29 PM | Reply
yes the first line is a typo I know there is alot of this poem that needs to be fix and it needs to be straightend out theres alot missing that I'd like to add but i can't seem to find the words
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